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artsycervidae · 7 months ago

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Moksha: Chapter 10, Intermission

Nobutoshi has an unsettling dream. Tetsuya names his price.

Word Count: 6.3k

Chapter list and trigger warnings are listed here.

The only quadrant left for Nobutoshi to patrol was due south. Of course, it was impossible to clear out every single demon in such a large area-- he only needed to target the stronger ones that proved more of a potential issue. But ever a perfectionist, he had hitchhiked and doubled back the long way. Whether it be by horse, wagon, or trolly, Nobutoshi took advantage of passivity by resting. He practiced Junko's meditative teachings in the meantime: she would catch naps completely sitting up, eyes open, for no longer than thirty minutes at a time, and her ability to set her own internal clock had been enviable. To the common public, Nobutoshi was a handsomely rugged man swathed in a deep cerulean garb, immune to conversation, staring intensely at the passing landscape. This extreme form of maintenance saved him time and effort better expended elsewhere.

Unfortunately, he never had mastered lucid dreaming. Even Hinata had improved to the point they could hear and feel their surroundings while asleep, though there was a lag before they woke on command. They were laywaid by their own mind, but not when it came to controlling its practical functions. This personal failure of Nobutoshi's made the last couple days insufferable, riddled with wasted time, minutes spent sitting in place as his thoughts waterfalled over him in his most vulnerable state.

-----

The Demon Corps resting grounds were massive: the Ubuyashiki lands held what scraps and memoriam remained of valiant souls at peace. Rows engraved with the family names of fallen Slayers had grown significantly over the years. Like many others, Junko found herself an orphan-- after she passed Final Selections, she returned to a world where she was totally alone, forbidden from her communal home and barred from mourning the loss with her three-year-old brother.

The only family she could visit now stood before them as polished stone, 'Hashimoto' carved into history. "I wish you two had been here when they were buried," Junko told Nobutoshi for the thousandth time. "I really wish you met them before they died... They would have liked you."

"There's always your brother," Nobutoshi suggested hopefully, before realizing he already knew where this line of dialog went.

"I hope not. It'll be impossible to answer for all our absences. Children rarely forgive abandonment and they never forget. Not to mention," her chin lifted, steadfast against her misery, "a sword in his hands means I've failed at making a safe world for him... No. I can't face him until this is all over."

Premonition weighed heavy on his chest. She always wanted Tetsuya to live in a future where children could play outside without fearing the dark. Even if the boy himself wasn't a marechi, it wasn't enough for her that he had been spirited away with the other Garden survivors, sequestered under the care of endangered shinobi clans. He needed to be secure and carefree; her goal was for his life to be free of demonic influence. That thought led elsewhere-- somewhere Nobutoshi wasn't ready to face yet.

"You're doing amazing work so far," he instead praised. "You're already a Hashira. You've met with Master before anyone else I know."

"It's not good enough," she smiled wanly. "We're still losing the war."

"I think someone like you can tip the scales in our favor," Nobutoshi told her. "You guide others into battle and safety, your fighting is efficient and unparalleled, anytime you arrive it's as if you know exactly what we need to do to win."

"You're probably the only person who appreciates that," she chuckled. "Grown men don't like being bossed around by a little girl." And she looked past him when she said, "Isn't that right? Remember, Hinata, when that old guy nearly fought me?"

"Grown men can have a say when they're able to distinguish a dirty mouth from authentic offense," Hinata defended, suddenly making their presence known. "Your bark is worse than your bite, anyway. I would rather have you drag me through the dirt than get chewed out in front of everybody like that... you can be pretty cruel." Although this made the girl snicker, Nobutoshi discredited their opinion wholesale, agreeing only with Hinata's sentiment. If others could see what they saw, fellow fighters would know that swears and an attitude mattered very little in the grand scheme of her impact.

Hinata stepped past them both-- suddenly, the graveyard was different from before. They had transported to the corner where the Rengoku Pillars and their kin rested; Hinata crouched and spoke softly to both Kenzou and Kosuke. "I'm sorry I could never repay you," they apologized. "I'm sorry I wasn't good enough yet." Junko kept an appropriate distance and let Hinata have their say: Nobutoshi scanned over the rows before it dawned on him: this was a fantasy. Even outside the dream, humanity was losing this secret war.

"Uh oh," Junko sighed as Hinata rose to their feet. "Here comes Kai."

Indeed, Kosuke's eldest surviving son was incoming, his scalding eyes blazing through Hinata as his brother-tsuguko Shiori tagged along, trying to dissuade him of any violence. The eldest's fist had flexed and closed-- Nobutoshi didn't want to see this again: the way Hinata would roll over, would let Kai verbally assault them for daring to consider paying their respects-- or 'disrespects,' according to the beholder. The newly-appointed Flame Hashira drew a deep breath, Shiori relaxed. But then Kai moved past his sibling, deadset on reaching the interloper who had taken his family from him: Hinata, of course, stepped forward to meet him halfway.

"Hinata, don't--" Nobutoshi pleaded. 'He's going to really hurt you this time. It's going to break your heart.'

"It's the least I can do," Hinata said, not heeding the mental warning. "Taking the blame might not save anyone now, but... he feels better, afterward." It would take a couple spats-- a bloody nose, a broken finger-- before Hinata learned to stay out of sight and mind. To abandon the grave markers forever, for the sake of peace. No physical retribution would salve Kai's heart, Shiori's interventions would never smother the fires of passionate hate, and it was a debt that no amount of Hinata's blood would repay.

Before Nobutoshi could close his eyes to block out the incoming scene, Junko reached forward and grabbed Hinata's hand, dragging them away at a full sprint. This surprised Nobutoshi-- he followed, wondering for a moment how running away from such problems could ever help. Hinata would never change, would always be like this. They could never face humanity except for punishment; they would rather bury their tears in Junko's shoulder, as if she were at all responsible for them.

Demon Corps headquarters folded and unfolded, and Nobutoshi found himself facing one of the oldest wisteria trees, dead center in the courtyard. He was indoors, but the friends he had been chasing were all the way under the blossoms, as if they had always been there. The two were exchanging combat techniques, and the dissonance struck Nobutoshi as humorous: it would be like them to start a scuffle in the same space where their superior officers held meetings, to get amped up on each other's excitement.

As usual, Hinata was soundly outperformed by Junko. She effortlessly flipped them over her shoulder, watching their own erratic movements bring them down before holding her wooden sword to their throat. "See, if you were a demon, it would be all over now," she said, chipper. "Well. Besides the sunlight and the wisteria, which would have gotten you first." And she laughed, a musical and boastful noise that Nobutoshi couldn't help smiling for.

"Again," the loser pleaded. "Tell me. What did I do wrong?"

"You keep underestimating the naturally ambulatory motions of Foliage Breathing," she told them. "You can go left, right, up, down. Stop reacting and start predicting. Get into my head, dumbass."

"It's hard," they said, curling up on the ground, picking up fistfuls of wisteria petals to drop over their lap. "If I get in your head, then you'll get into mine."

"That's the point," Junko scolded. She knelt down, scooped up stray flowers, and rained them on Hinata's head. "You need to open your awareness, which means being receptive to others." Hinata hummed, allowing their superior to lecture on. Nobutoshi wanted to get closer, but the afternoon was so warm, the scene so placid, that he leisurely observed from his vantage point as he adored his friends. Indeed, these two had become Nobutoshi's dearest companions. Even Hinata, as off-putting and histrionic they may be, had grown on him with their eccentric interests and constant desire to please. They were each Slayers worth knowing.

Junko still held the superior control over her body's nervous system: of her nearly-psychic connection for up to five days after physical contact with any human. Additionally her range of sensing air currents had expanded to fifty meters; the Kakushi benefitted from her presence in search-and-rescue, often preferring her command despite the usual tension between pillars and their subjects.

Hinata was trying to learn to emulate that: emphasis on trying. They could trail any demon or Slayer to impossible lengths with their needle-sharp attention to them: which landed them, more often than not, in the particular role of capturing demons alive for training purposes. These demons were analyzed by others like Hinata, whose years of knowledge and experience lended familiarity to the sorts of demons that initiates could and couldn't beat. This intense curiosity in demonhood had developed its own niche, and encouraging them to learn her craft hands-on had never presented an issue. Junko's biggest obstacle with this pupil was their inability to cast their mind about, relying too much on object permanence for a single target as their crutch: "You're stalking like a jungle cat, but you haven't honed in on your reflexes. Really, it's the most inefficient thing you could do with such a specific ability. You'll never become a Hashira like that."

"I can't become a Hashira, period," they pouted.

"Well, what are you even fighting for then?"

"To hunt demons."

"Besides that."

"To learn about--"

"Besides demons."

They paused before shrugging, their imagination limited to the confines of Demon Corps obligations... much less outside of Junko or Nobutoshi. "The best I can do is hope my death benefits someone else." They shook the wisteria out of their hair and added, with a note of humor, "Yeah. I won't mind dying if someone gets something out of it. Just have me walk in front of you when things look scary."

"At least you're optimistic about it," Junko said-- which had to be sarcastic, but her aura was missing-- and Nobutoshi remembered, again, this was a dream. Junko wasn't really here, and Hinata would never be the same. After watching her student meditate in petals for another second or two, she scooted on her knees in front of them. Their eyes rose, reflecting a muted green hue. The two had an entire conversation without speaking. It was a bond Nobutoshi sensed, yet was not privy to. Something he knew existed but could not understand, and what was the point of seeing everything if what he saw made him so bitter? They had their own language: twin tactile sensors existing on their own private wavelength, discussing complicated subjects with a twitch of an eyebrow, a grunt in her throat, a slow tapping of their finger.

Then Junko rolled her head back. She looked directly at Nobutoshi. A chill prickled the back of his neck, and he whispered, "Junko? Is that... you?"

"You know what that's like. Right?" She asked-- it was her voice, her unmoving lips. "When the facts get hard to believe. That despite all the evidence, you can never quite match it up with the life that exists in your head."

'This is just a dream,' Nobutoshi reminded himself. And he asked again. "Junko, tell me it's you."

"I know the feeling well," someone solemnly calm said from behind Nobutoshi.

It took Nobu a moment to recognize the sound of his father's voice. It had been so long since he heard it even in his sleep. Junko had been looking at Jin, not Nobutoshi; sometimes he conjured her so vividly in his mind, he swore she was a spirit come to deliver some otherworldly message that only he could interpret. Alas, this was always his own overactive imagination...

"It's hard to believe that my wife passed away, though it's been years," the former Mist Hashira went on, an uncharacteristic display of open honesty. Nobutoshi's father never spoke more than five words to even his own son, unless the situation demanded it. And he never brought up the permanent mourning shrine that remained of Ishikawa Chihiro, the woman who had been caught by a demon only weeks before her son's Final Selection.

This did not mean his father wasn't kind. He was terse, yes, but a good man. Such a good man that when Jin had met Junko and Hinata, he refrained from saying anything remotely uncharitable about them. He simply saw them for what they were: Nobutoshi's comrades, his son's dear friends, fellow Slayers. They met at the Corps-aligned refuge that had once housed the expansive Ishikawa family; the family's numbers were far fewer, allowing the location to better serve general Demon Corps activity.

Recollection of the Ishikawa graves made it hard to breathe. Nobutoshi didn't want to go back to the cemetary. He willed with all his might that they stay away-- praying that for once, he could persuade his dreams to go his way.

Junko stood before helping Hinata up. The wisteria tree had multiplied and regressed, turning into the safety perimeter that existed outside the Ishikawa compound. This was a welcome sight: when the three Slayers had the fortune of working together, they would often spend their recovery periods at Nobutoshi's childhood home. "Finish your training," Jin commanded. He took only a few steps before stopping and looking back. Nobutoshi tried to put his father into terms that he could see: dark hair, sharp features, fox-like eyes, and thin lips. But these couldn't really ever define Ishikawa Jin, Nobutoshi's father, hero, and critic. He only remembered the man as the pinnacle of power. "Dinner in an hour."

Never more than five words, unless absolutely necessary.

The crows dotting along the rooftops honked and ruffled in greeting to each other. Hinata and Junko faced each other again, the former chancing a glance to Nobutoshi-- the latter struck, kicking her sparring partner's legs out from under them, sword to the throat, and the declaration made, "I win again."

"That's cheating! I wasn't ready!" But Hinata laughed, throwing up their arms and falling back into the grass dramatically.

"Which do you pick?"

"What?"

When Nobutoshi turned to his father, the scene had changed again-- it was spring, crisp and cold in the morning. He could see clouds of exhalation, but the two fighters, his only friends in the world, were frozen mid-lift; Junko smiled down at Hinata as though they shared some joke in this freezeframe. Jin looked irritated, and Nobutoshi flushed at the shame of forcing his father to repeat himself:

"To the coast. Which do you pick?" No wonder the sunbeams were so saturated, the harsh light so blinding and the colors so washed out. This was the day... "Hashira make hard decisions," his father said. "Pick one."

It felt like such an easy choice then. The Corps weren't even sure if the suspicious activity in such a rural ocean town was truly demonic in nature. It sounded like runaways. Like people fleeing a dying way of living so out in the sticks. Suggesting to send Junko, a Hashira, would have been overkill. Hinata, though, knew how to find the nocturnal monsters, to discern their behaviors and abilities. "Yasumoto Hinata," Nobutoshi said. "Send them to investigate the barge. And the other lower ranked Slayers, just in case."

That was the reasoning he told his father... and the truth. It was the truth. It just happened to work in Nobutoshi's favor that by sending Hinata away...

Nobutoshi glanced to the courtyard again and jumped-- Junko was standing right in front of him. No, he was in the courtyard now, his feet finally moving in slow, sluggish gestures to carry him where he wanted to be. Everyone else had vanished. He reached out for her hand. Her other one came up to cup his cheek and jaw, her smooth and round fingernails curled into his skin comfortably.

He wanted Hinata to go away, as dear as they were: he had wanted her to himself again. When he dipped his forehead into her shoulder she snorted and giggled-- giggled, God -- and nuzzled into his head in return. Was it so bad to want something for himself? To make a decision that felt sound and safe? Hinata could always keep her as a mentor and rival and soulmate, but Nobutoshi would make due with the bare minimum of her affections... he wanted to braid their lives together, but he could never ask her to pick between her values and him. He wasn't so cruel as his father. Maybe one day in the future, when demons had been cleaned off the face of the world, they could be married. But not until he helped her to usher in that new age.

A massive shadow disturbed the crows along the rooftop, a few fleeing to new perches; the caressing Slayers paused and looked skyward. Junko's raven, nearly twice the size of an albatross in dream logic, stopped its descent with a powerful beat of its wings before settling on the ground. It opened its mouth:

-----

Nobutoshi opened his eyes to an average-sized crow settling onto his knee, momentarily preening the feathers under its aqua bandana. The open-roof carriage hadn't yet reached its destination, and he had already received Tetsuya's confirmation. What could this message be? His messenger looked up to him and said, "For Ishikawa Nobutoshi, from Yoshiwara base. A communications blackout has been enforced for the next 72 hours. Personnel has been dismissed. I also have a personal message!"

His bird cracked its head both ways before making a series of hiccups and clicks with its throat and chest-- the rhythm, duration, and pause of each mimicking an encrypted code. One that Nobutoshi recognized immediately. It thrust him back to that day, staring out at the sea barge. Where he lost everyone he had to possibly lose.

The message translated to: Kizuki activity confirmed. Siege is underway. Hope you're almost done. Bring friends.

"Yasumoto! Damn it!" Nobutoshi stood and ran, abandoning the horse-drawn vehicle with a jostle from his harried leap. He had half a mind to abandon the deal altogether: to raise the alarm and summon another Hashira, 'bringing friends' so to speak... but then they would have questions. Why was he humoring the scheme, why had he sent his tsuguko with Yasumoto, why on Earth had he lifted Yasumoto's restrictions to begin with? No-- he had to get to Yoshiwara and settle this himself. He had slain Lower Ranks singlehandedly before, and this wouldn't be any different. Hinata had already begun moving their pieces: they were likely striving to break new ground several times before anyone could show up and stop them, forcing the rest of the Corps to follow through by holding their own life-- and the life of Tetsuya-- hostage. Nobutoshi's only mistake had been trusting Hinata, hoping their plan was a bluff or cry for attention; he didn't expect Hinata to put Junko's brother in such a dire situation.

When Hinata had first recommended the seige to Nobutoshi, the plan sounded so simple it was stupid: starve the demon by isolating it, determine the target's potential and ranking as Kizuki, then maintain a stalemate until reinforcements, refreshed and rested, came in for the killing blow. So much had happened so fast before Nobutoshi's walking headache made their proposal. The sudden disappearance of the Water Hashira, leading to another unexpected promotion within the ranks, Tetsuya's recent graduation, the complications in his training that arose... Hinata cornered him, armed this time with maps and reports of disappearances, the perimeter of a larger space carved out around Yoshiwara and a couple other areas.

"We'll create a power vacuum," Hinata had said, all shark-toothed smiles and broken-glass eyes. They argued that the Corps had been busy reacting to death counts-- graceless, as always-- then intoned there was a smart way to feed bodies to the ever-hungry war. (This was also a trick. If Nobutoshi struck Hinata for their blatant disregard, they would have touched for the first time in five years, though neither would be happy.) "If there is a Kizuki there, then we've already cleared the whole area out. We kill the Kizuki, we see what Kibutsuji does. We see what his minions do. If there's none there, then you get to lord it over me for all eternity."

Nobutoshi-- torn between his obligations to Ubuyashiki Rin, his failures to rear Tetsuya properly, exasperated by Hinata's preparedness-- gave in. He didn't truly think there was any suggestion of a Kizuki's presence, nor any demon's in such close proximity to a Corps base. Whatever Hinata wanted to do was null, and something as harmless as an extraction could be a good starting point for Tetsuya, if he too could parse the language of the wind and sense other living creatures. He had gambled on Hinata being either wrong or sensible; the odds should have been in his favor. Yoshiwara was much too populated... but then again, it took a cold-blooded, diabolical genius to seed oneself among their enemies. To take advantage of a false security and parasite off the belly of society.

The Demon Corps wasn't ready for an intensive operation like this.

No... Tetsuya wasn't ready. It was entirely too soon for him to be accompany someone like Hinata, no matter how proud Nobu was of the boy. Hinata wanted the mission to be a success. Nobutoshi could see that now in hindsight, and Tetsuya was so trusting with a heart of love and a mind of respect; he had yet to see fairy tales as anything but truth, and looked to his guardians like they held the world, skies, and stars. Such as the same caretaker who landed him in the line of danger.

The vague recollection of a memory tugged at the back of his mind, somehow connected to the dream he had, but he ignored it promptly. He no longer had the luxury to review the past; he had to keep his eyes forward for any and all potential danger. He would slay all the demon he could on his way, but his priority shifted: to return to his tsuguko's side and protect him from the real danger, the person Nobutoshi knew better than to trust. He had to contain this situation before anyone else caught wind of it.

-----

"What have you done?!" Tetsuya cried by way of hello. He swept his arm to the patch of destroyed land that ranged at least fifteen meters, the damage merely thinning further out. The mess was partially tidied up, courtesy of the kinoe's meddling; Hinata had already begun to break down the more thoroughly-destroyed trees and put them into man-made piles. The aforementioned Slayer was taking a break, their kimono robe parted at the front to expose more of the shirt underneath-- and the belted pouches attached to their torso.

They had been staring ahead, gazing over their construction site before stirring. Rather than face their scolding, they raised a hand. Their fingers twitched, stretched, and curled-- Tetsuya didn't know what that was about. He stamped across the clearing to his too-calm companion. "Look at this place! And right off the path, where anyone can notice. This isn't covert! Have you lost your mind, Yasumoto?!"

The yelling brought no satisfaction or reaction. Tetsuya almost wished his company would try and fight back in this instance. In fact, there was a pause as Yasumoto straightened their spine, looking upon all their current project. "Hey Tetsu," they replied, nonplussed. "This works alright, I suppose. The weather has been beautiful. Maybe we'll see campers." As though they hadn't just committed the greatest faux pas known to the Demon Corps by making a public display. "Hey, did Nobu ever teach you those hand signs? Nonverbal commands can come in handy if we ever need to be quiet somewhere--"

"No! This is terrible!" Tetsuya interrupted, refusing to be distracted. "Has anyone happened by yet?"

"One or two. But they didn't see me." Yasumoto curled forward, wrenching a basic hand-sized hatchet from the log next to them.

"Where did you get that?"

Hinata glanced down to the item before setting it aside. "... Borrowed it."

Unbelievable. Tetsuya slapped his hands over his face and groaned into them, praying to a distant Nobutoshi that he rendezvous with them soon. "I can't believe this."

"It's fine," Yasumoto said simply. Tetsuya removed his hands from his eyes so he could narrow them at the other Slayer. Only then did he get a good look at them: their face, their languid body language, the rip in the front of their clothes and how the fabric there seemed... crunchier.

"Are you okay?"

"Look," Hinata coaxed. "I brought you food." Not addressing the question at all. Instead, they presented him with a little purchased bento box, not some scavenged or hunted thing that Hinata had brought down like a disobedient cat. When Tetsuya's eyes flicked back up, Hinata had returned to their stolen hatchet and the project, shrugging the kimono off so that it hung off of them by their belted waist. One-handed, they resumed chopping wood into smaller pieces with surprising efficiency and speed.

Tetsuya sat down on the felled tree next to where the other Demon Slayer had been. "Maybe you should eat something too." Or sleep. He wondered how much trouble that demon had been as he slowly split his chopsticks and began to eat. There was no ignoring the state his supervisor was in. With their salt-and-pepper hair framing their jawline, the dark lines around their eyes (and the suitcases beneath those) were all the more pronounced. Their back muscles flexed and rippled, but in some strange springing way that made Tetsuya worry he would hear something crack or tear. As the Slayer worked, sighing and stretching, Tetsuya tried to recall if Hinata had always looked this tired. And then, as though Hinata had read his mind, they tilted their head his way and smiled. It returned them to some of their former rumpled loveliness, but Tetsuya couldn't be convinced.

They casually sauntered closer again. "You escorted the target out of town, right?" Once again, evading the question. If anything, Hinata looked past Tetsuya, passing the hatchet carefully to their prosthetic, and their able hand stretched to take the saddle bag from the boy's shoulders so he could eat unencumbered.

"Yes," said Tetsuya uneasily.

"Good. The next step in the plan is underway now."

"Plan? What plan?"

"Siege operation," they stated.

"A siege?" Tetsuya tried to comprehend, gripping his utensil a little too tightly. "Why?"

Hinata was slow to respond, jostling the bag to rifle around the supplies. "Good!" False enthusiasm? "You've brought it all. We can set up the fires outside of the city limits, though it's only a precaution. Driving demons further into society is a possibility, but with you here, that possibility is reduced."

"Hold on," and Hinata did, pausing in their preparations. "What happened to that demon? Back then."

Hinata leaned back-- Tetsuya felt a wash of cold water down his back as they eyed him. Not with disdain toward a mere child here to slow things down, but with acute wariness when faced with a possible danger. A weak point. After looking down on him, Hinata's eyes slid away.

"I have confirmed the presence of one of the Twelve Kizuki," they stated as though scripted. "In compiling my report on his abilities, I failed to terminate him before sunrise. As such, he ran into the red light district--" The lunch fell from Tetsuya's hands as he stood abruptly. "Oh damn. Your food--"

"We need to stop him," Tetsuya declared, already reaching for his sword.

"I can no longer track him," Yasumoto said, patience infinite in this exhausted mindset, apparently. "As things stand, we have your Hashira's permission to proceed, Tetsu. We reinforce a barricade and reduce the afflicted area, locating and killing Gyutaro if the opportunity arises. Most of all, we have to weaken him."

Gyutaro. Even the name was viscerally greedy, taunting and luring, and Tetsuya's weak knees couldn't bear his disgust with Yasumoto. He fell back into his seat, not quite struck into compliance. More like numbness. Whether they named the demon or asked it for its input, it didn't matter to Tetsuya. Either one felt inconceivable.

Yasumoto finally chanced sitting with Tetsuya, setting the bag down by their feet to rifle through its contents. "These wisteria blossoms and oils will help make a smoke blockade. There's a regular supply in town too, for courtesans' perfumes and such. I made sure getting more in large quantities wouldn't draw too much attention."

"You..." Tetsuya's mind floundered in panic. He failed to formulate his incriminaton properly, "You let it go! You didn't even catch it for the sun to burn it up! That monster could be anywhere, eating anyone." To have allowed a demon to flee to safety was beyond low. It was practically fraternizing. An act of mercy like that could cost lives and Yasumoto's stupid obsession had caused a landslide of terror.

Yasumoto tidied Tetsuya's fallen lunch, too restless to sit still under judgement. "It may make no difference, but I doubt I could have killed him. He was more likely to murder me instead. He's nowhere near the threshold of his power either; his fighting abilities are beyond any demon I've encountered yet. His Blood Demon Art is incredible. I don't think he was expecting us or else he wouldn't have engaged combat so near sunrise... and he clearly hides out somewhere around here."

"So you let him run?" They had yet to fight any of his accusations-- all they could offer was excuses.

"He was too fast for me to catch," they said, as if explaining a simple concept to a dumb kid, "and I needed to collect information on him so that we could prepare accordingly. I needed to live another day to tell you. His close-range is impeccable and he made a perfect home for himself, with magnificent camoflague and readily available humans. We can't reject the possibility of a den--" a den?! Of demons?! "-- or of communication to their leader. Twelve Kizuki operate as their own isolated pockets of chaos and death, but there is always the possibility." A beat. "To put it simply: things are going to get dicey."

Tetsuya, mute, watched as Hinata talked helplessly on about demons, the dark cloud surrounding them seeming to clear a little. "We know Gyutaro is local and we know his food source. I know his face and his voice. I know how it feels when he moves," which Tetsuya could have gone without knowing, "and the siege is set up to give us field advantages: it weakens the target before reinforcements arrive and serves as a small countermeasure if we should fail."

"All of this is so complex."

"Welcome to the front lines," Yasumoto said. "Hashira only arrive when the threat has been proven to be too much, after we've lost scores of Slayers."

"What I mean is," Tetsuya criticized, "this puts civilians at risk, doesn't it?"

"They're always at risk. This improves the chances of a successful kill, and if we can accomplish murdering Gyutaro before Nobu arrives, all the better for everyone else."

Tetsuya wondered, not for the first time, why exactly Nobutoshi sent him along with Yasumoto. Was this what his Hashira wanted him to learn? The struggles of those who scout the area? The ground-laying of a future battlefield? Was he supposed to question the leadership and guidance of his superior, by all rights a pariah and menace, to this degree?

"We'll also be in a communications blackout," Yasumoto announced. "At this point, our cover is as compromised as Gyutaro's. We cannot assume we're safe during the day either. From now on, the scheme calls for commitment to the siege. We close the noose around the demon's throat and murder him if we can."

Murder. Tetsuya couldn't keep ignoring it. He wished they would stop. "Alright," he groaned, relenting. "Alright. I'll send a letter to Nobutoshi and--"

"The blackout is already in effect. I sent all the crows away, and the Demon Corps base is on lockdown. We'll only find the head doctor and administrator there."

"Why?!" Tetsuya hollered. Acting first and answering questions later only made things more difficult, and it was something adults especially found most convenient when they didn't feel the need to explain themselves. Tetsuya hadn't had any expectations but felt betrayed anyway. "You can't do that!"

Yasumoto blinked slowly. "I can. And I did. I was in town and we aren't going to be utilizing the Ubuyashiki facilities anyway. The wisteria emblem is innocuous enough, but the Kizuki are notoriously clever. If he gets even a whiff of the Ubuyashiki's involvement, Gyutaro will be all over us, Tetsu."

"Stop calling me that." Tetsuya seethed. His righteousness must've wounded them, because they faltered.

"Sure... but that doesn't change the fact that we are in his territory. So long as he doesn't suspect the reverse, we have our connection to reinforcements."

Tetsuya heard out Yasumoto's plan: the older Demon Slayer certainly had a way of scheming. Of imagining what they would do if their heart were a little more rotten, their intentions a little more misaligned. It was hard to tell how much of this planning was a healthy wariness of death and how much was a twisted projection. There was so much to do. And it was so unorthodox: "This isn't right," was all Tetsuya could say in response. "You should have killed him. You should have tried to kill him or died trying, whether there was a demon nest or not. You don't know how many people he will hurt."

Yasumoto looked at Tetsuya with curiosity. "I can't do that." The silver ring around that empty pit of a pupil made the boy look away, disappointed that Yasumoto's cravings came before their integrity.

Tetsuya couldn't do anything about it now. He was here, and here he would be until the Demon Corps sent reinforcements, or until his Hashira returned to him. He simply sat and stared at his lap until Yasumoto crouched in front of him, a second lunch in their hands. An offering. Supplication.

"Hey," they murmured. "That's how I plan to kill the demon. Now it's your turn."

"My turn?" What did it matter? He was used to being spoken over. Though a tsuguko, he was still only a child. That's all anyone would see him as.

"I kill demons. That's what I do best." Hinata rested their hand on the boy's head, hesitantly, then comfortably when he did not flinch away. An unspoken apology, followed by a request for forgiveness: "You tell me: what do we do to save people?"

Tetsuya didn't want to look at the kinoe, but did want to be taken seriously, so he made his price firm: "We stay in the district. We patrol, and we do it covertly. We don't threaten or hurt anyone else. And if we see anything, we intervene."

"Whoof," Hinata exhaled. But then they mussed his hair, raking their nails a little too hard into his scalp. "You drive a hard bargain. Okay. We need to narrow down parts of Yoshiwara anyway, to carve up hunting grounds--," their hand lifted again when Tetsuya's expression stoned over, and they decided not to babble.

"You promise," Tetsuya was suddenly hopeful, "Promise you'll protect whatever person needs protecting."

Tetsuya couldn't explain the sensation that followed. Nor could he parse the blankness that flickered across Hinata's features, as if something had just gone click! in their head. It was only when they said "I promise" that Nobutoshi's warning came flooding back into Tetsuya's mind-- had he messed up? What had just been agreed upon?

Adding onto that... what was this heaviness? It was full-bodied: his skull felt leaden, his stomach felt knotted, and his heart felt repulsive. 'Not mine,' he realized-- there was a strange distinction, the fabric of which felt different than 'Tetsuya.' This was a relief: he couldn't imagine being this haggard himself. But then, what was it? Was he sick, fatigued, both? Had Hinata somehow robbed Tetsuya of his hopefulness? He squirmed in his seat, slouched, and sighed.

"Here," they said distractedly, pushing the food into Tetsuya's hands before gathering up their inventory with ease. "You can have mine. Then get some sleep. You need more rest than I do: and this time, use Total Concentration Breathing. No gasps or interruptions. Your practical lessons could use more honing, but don't tell Nobu I said that."

"What about you," Tetsuya asked. "Don't you need to eat?"

"I had a dumpling earlier," as if that could replace an entire two meals.

And despite his wariness, general distrust, and lack of understanding, Tetsuya's stomach ached at the thought of theirs being empty. "We can share this," he insisted, "You need to be in shape too."

Hinata stood and smiled-- and this one reached their eyes. It changed them, still jagged at the edges and down to their core, but rather than having a knife aimed at him, Tetsuya felt armed and ready; he was relieved that Hinata was on his side, after all.

"I ought not fill up yet. There's more to do, and hard work builds an even greater appetite. Don't worry, Tetsuya. I won't let you down."

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bunposting · 2 years ago

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hi bunposting, new zealand rabbjt anon here- unfortunately i have suffered a loss recently. the doe that i’ve raised and loved for the last three years died suddenly a few days ago without any reason as to why. logically i know that as prey animals, rabbits don’t show illness until they’re basically on deaths doorstep, but it’s been a hard time anyway. she was a wonderful mother, very sweet and full of personality, and with some really great genetics that led to me making sale at a couple livestock shows with her kits. i’m missing her a lot but trying to focus on my other two rabbits.

which leads me to adding my own experience onto your other post:

first things first, you are totally right that the huge amount of hay/veggies is ridiculous. both to balance with their feed and to buy that much fresh produce

my rabbits get hay if i remember it. so like once a week at most. i’ll give them a bit more if i notice there’s a lot of hair in their poop to help get their guts moving a bit more, but that’s really it. hay is expensive as all get out and since they’re fed a complete diet it’s not necessary as a daily requirement, just a treat. and i never give them hay when their babies are out of the nest box. i’m raising them for meat and hay is filling with few calories, aka the kits will gorge themselves on hay all the time and not gain any weight

i do give them fruit and veggie treats pretty regularly, but i never go out of my way to get produce especially for them. it’s always leftovers from the kitchen. bananas that have gone soft, lettuce heads, strawberry tops, watermelon rinds, whatever. they enjoy a treat, and we have less food waste, so win win! they’re our little compost bins!

but the main thing is that despite what aras/hrs wants everyone to believe, rabbits can totally have a lifelong diet of pellets and only pellets with no problems. the veggies aren’t requirements, just fun treats to add on top of an already compete diet. i’ve always fed my rabbits this way, and i’ve never had a single GI issue

(some may say ‘well what about your recent death’ and while i can’t 100% rule out a GI issue and will likely never know the true reason for her death, that just seems like the least likely option for her personal situation)

Hey Anon! Sorry for taking so long to reply, it's been a busy week.

First of all I'm so sorry about your loss. It's so heartbreaking to lose any animal you love, let alone one you raised. It's obviously a bit too late now, but I'd be on high alert for any other sudden deaths in your rabbitry, especially if you're somewhere where RVHD2 is active. If there are more that die suddenly and unexpectedly, I'd recommend talking to a veterinarian about next steps including how to get the remains tested for the disease. Rabbits sometimes do die without much warning for other reasons (heart attack, heat stroke, undetected cancer, etc.), but you definitely have to be careful now that RVHD2 has spread to places it hasn't historically been able to spread much to.

Everything else you said totally tracks though. Feeding kitchen scraps to your rabbits can be an awesome way to reduce food waste, but (as I'm sure you know) it's super important to do some research first and make sure that the scraps you have are safe for your rabbits to eat/what quantity of those scraps are safe for your rabbits to eat.

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mineofilms · 11 months ago

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The Buffalo Bills for the fifth straight season end the season with a playoff loss, 27-24 in their third home playoff loss ever, and second in two years to the Kansas City Chiefs in the Divisional Round of the 2023 NFL playoffs. This is the third time in four years that the Kansas City Chiefs have eliminated the Buffalo Bills in the playoffs. This loss was not as dramatic as last year’s loss at home to the Cincinnati Bengals or that last 10-seconds in the divisional loss to Kansas City two years ago. When the Bills got on the field Sunday, January 21st, 2024 they really Billlieved they were gonna win. The media had already been talking about how this was the Buffalo Bills year they would overcome Kansas City. However, the Chiefs had other plans. It is a disappointing loss, which makes for a disappointing season. The BillsMafia balled out this year. Not just during the season, but all the lead up to the playoffs. Hordes of fans waiting in lines, in freezing cold to help shovel snow out of the stadium. The wild card game verse Pittsburgh had to be postponed for a day due to the poor weather.

This review of the 2023 Buffalo Bills season is not going to be a splatter of throwing our people under the bus. We had a hell of a lot of adversity this year from injuries, ‘again…’ Even more so than the 2022 season. Our guys battled all year, but at the end of the day we lost. We didn’t get the pants beaten off us this time. We could have won this game and most feel we should have won this game. I felt like even if we did win that we probably would not have been able to beat Baltimore due to our defense being so rough against the run and the Ravens being a run-dominant team. However, after watching the AFC Championship game, I don’t know, maybe Allen and company might have sailed right past Baltimore. This will be another honest review based on what I saw with my own eyes and over thirty years of watching, playing, understanding the game of football.

With all that out of the way. Let’s Begin…

Tough for the Buffalo Bills to die out the way we did. Josh Allen, ‘the Alien,’ showed up. Our beat up defense, not so much. Sliced apart like warm butter most of the game. I am sure there are many that are blaming the kicking. Well our kicker should be paying better attention which direction the wind is blowing in the same area you live in but I guess that is what false hope looks like in pro football.

Our Defense was shaky most of the season due to another case of the injury-bug. However, unlike last year, the Bills were able to adapt much better with Coach McDermott calling the defense this year after Leslie Frazier announced he would not be back with the team for the 2023 season. Not fired, just that he would not coach in 2023. At this point he is no longer under contract with the Buffalo Bills. So if he does decide to coach again, it won’t be with Buffalo. The Buffalo Bills for 2024 definitely got some things to fix. We were exposed on defense in crucial situations due to these injuries. A play here, a play there. With the right people on the field, those plays never happen. However, Coach McDermott always had a fix in the game this year. This year the Bills stepped up there ‘situational football’ alertness. Injuries are not an excuse. Every team goes through them. We have been weak against the run for the past three seasons, but we showed a lot more mustard this season than we did in the past, and if it wasn’t for injuries we do not give up nearly as much as we did. We made adjustments in the 2023 offseason to beef up the defensive line and we started out well enough till the injuries began to pile up.

The Buffalo Bills have some free agency challenges heading into the 2024 season. We have 19 unrestricted free agents. It will be unlikely we will resign them all. Some of these guys were key to the Bills success and have earned a chance to either play to start or go somewhere else for more money.

• WR’s Gabe Davis, Trent Sherfield. • RB’s Latavius Murray, Damien Harris. • DE’s A.J. Epenesa, Leonard Floyd, Shaq Lawson. • DT’s DaQuan Jones, Linval Joseph, Tim Settle, Poona Ford, Jordan Phillips. • LB’s Tyrel Dodson, Tyler Matakevich. • CB’s Dane Jackson, Cam Lewis. • S’s Micah Hyde, Taylor Rapp. • QB Kyle Allen. • TE Quinton Morris (restricted)

On this list I feel six guys we absolutely need to resign are Trent Sherfield, A.J. Epenesa, Leonard Floyd, Dane Jackson, Taylor Rapp, and Poona Ford. I’d like to resign Gabe Davis but with the emergence of Trent Sherfield, Khalil Shakir and Dalton Kincaid it is going to be difficult to sign Gabe Davis under the expectation of more money in a new contract. Is he worth more money? I say yes, but his performances do not really warrant that. We really needed him to step up the last two years and he really hasn’t shown us that. If he is willing to come back to Buffalo and play for less money, then sign him, absolutely. However, if he demands more than we can pay him then we have to allow him to go and test the market. He is a starter in this league and at times has shown all-pro quality play, but it has been too far and in between. Jordan Phillips and Micah Hyde have stated they may retire, but as of the writing of this blog we have not heard from them that this is what they are going to do. Just ‘likely’ that they will retire. Be nice if we could get DaQuan Jones back as well. Buffalo made strides in the offseason last year by beefing up the defensive line, only for those strides to be hindered by injuries and now free agency.

While the NFL Salary cap is increasing for teams this offseason by about $16 million, the Buffalo Bills still find themselves in a tough spot, projected to be around $45 million over the cap. Stefon Diggs is set to carry around $28 million and Von Miller’s comes in close to $24 million. When we made Ken Dorsey our offensive coordinator we immediately signed some bigger bodied WR/TEs which led me to believe we would see a more run balanced offense using our same offensive package of three, four and five wide receivers, but now with two or three tight ends on the field at all times. Much like how our offensive game plan was for the divisional playoff loss to Kansas City two years ago. Run out of these bigger more spread out packages and push the ball down the field with deep throws and crossing patterns. We didn’t do that and the woes with Ken Dorsey as a play caller came to a halt after the week 10 home loss to the Denver Broncos. With the official signing of Joe Brady as the team’s offensive coordinator I would think Buffalo will return to this style of play or closer to the style of play Brady was calling with Joe Burrow at quarterback when LSU won the National Championship in the 2020 College Football Season. We only saw glimpses of what the offense could be during the final stretch of the regular season. Granted, this offense had problems hooking up with Diggs for nearly two thirds of the season, but I would think the Bills will see this on film and make adjustments going into 2024. Diggs is virtually open on every play but defenses did a better job of taking him out the game plan. Buffalo did adapt to this and spread the ball around, but you cannot just not throw to Diggs. We saw earlier in the year that man is so hard to get a solid hit on that he winds up breaking tackles for more yards. The man can still ball out…

The Bills sign longtime assistant coach Bobby Babich as their new Defensive Coordinator. Babich has been with the Bills and Coach McDermott since 2017 and even before that with McDermott when he was in Carolina. He started as the secondary coach, excelled there and moved up to linebacker coach where the line backing core were standouts and has now been officially hired as the Bills defensive coordinator. It is too early to tell whether he will be the play caller on defense as of yet, but even if he is or isn’t he will be working with Coach McDermott on the defense as a whole. This will take pressure off Coach McDermott, which at times during the season we needed someone to help in a more official capacity on defensive adjustments in game and even call plays when Coach McDermott needs to have attention in other areas during the game. One of the main points here is that this is an extension to what the Bills have already been doing. This just makes it official. Coordinators work directly with the head coach, but it always felt the Coach MeDermott would say something and the coordinators would say something else. With Dorsey and before that, Frazier on defense, were not seeing eye-to-eye with Coach McDermott. I always felt Coach McDermott would say something in a press conference and it would just go over both those guy’s heads. I felt like Frazier should have been fired after the 10-second meltdown in Kansas City, but it took another year for him to leave the Bills. Coach McDermott likes to promote from within. The team spends just as much time, energy on their coaching staff as they do their young players, building them up and making them work for us.

Babich was getting interviewed for defensive coordinator positions from the Green Bay Packers, the New York Giants and the Miami Dolphins. We sure as hell were not going to let him go to Miami, where we play the Dolphins twice a year and this year playing them in week 18 for the divisional title. On paper this is more of a big deal than it is on the field as Babich is already a huge part of our defense and now he has the title to go with it. The one thing that we can build on is depth. That when we are at full strength we know our backup guys can do the job and they can. Sure there are/were holes, but we did a great job of hiding those holes most of the time. Granted, not all of the time, which is why we are not playing the 49ers in the Super Bowl and the Chiefs are. At full strength we will now have a better understanding of depth at those positions, but we did not adjust well to these injuries. Instead of doubling down with our strategy we needed to make better adjustments with matchups on the field, on both sides of the ball. You do not run nickel/dime/zone packages and never blitz when your defense is that beat up, both on the line and secondary. Once you lose the threat of a pass rush from the front four; running a zone will kill your defense. I have seen it time and time again. Zone can work, but your front four has to get pressure on the quarterback or they will find holes in the zone and just dink and dunk you to death. The defense cannot recover fast enough under that sort of pressure and they didn’t. We just kept doing it over and over again. When Coach McDermott mentions making adjustments this is what I feel he means. Not just on the defensive side of the ball, but the offensive as well. Coach mentioned making adjustments as a priority in the press conference after last year’s loss to the Bengals and I billlieve that is what we did much better at this year. Our offensive coaching needs to fully understanding the weapons we have on a given situation with the players we have on the field. We saw this in the Kansas City game with plays specifically for Shakir. I think we will see more of this in 2024. At least, I really hope we do anyway.

Coach McDermott was far less patient and lenient this season with defending his coaches as we parted ways with Frazier, thank the football Gods for that one, and the firing of Ken Dorsey two thirds into the season. The writing was on the wall, but coach is super loyal to his people. However, this year the leash was far tighter. I do not billieve that will be a problem in 2024. The coaching staff is set, mostly all guys promoted from within. We cannot be too cute anymore. It is time on third and three to run the ball with efficient play calls that favor us and do not rely on some scatter-garbage-junk-play that picks up the first down. We should get the first down not because we are bigger and can push the defense back, but more based on the strategy. However, our offensive line this year did push around a lot of good quality defensive lines. We did struggle here/there against really good defenses like Kansas City. I think next year we will have that in mind more and we will see some stuff that makes more sense. Almost like basketball where you have isolation plays. We still have match up nightmares when defenses try to play us. Sure, they were able to slowdown Diggs this year, but other guys stepped up and showed they can also make big plays. I am not saying its ok to not target Diggs. He is still the best player on the field catching/running with the football, but if you double him you still got to deal with Cook, Shakir, Kincaid, Knox, Sherfield. These guys made plays this year that Diggs would usually make. However, I see the Allen/Diggs show making a big comeback in stats in 2024.

The Situational football got better after the Philadelphia loss. I feel like Buffalo really got a better clamp on this, understanding how to play in the fourth quarter. We started winning matchups and games at the end of the year where I thought we were going to lose after what had happened so often in the past with us. We hadn’t played what I thought was great football since the first Miami game and we still almost pushed through all this. I do not billieve any sort of different game plan would have changed things against the Chiefs. We were just too beat up on defense to outright stop Kansas City, but I feel like we are right there. We are literally plays away from going to the show. If one only passively watched Buffalo Bills football this year this may come as a shock. Things were unraveling and Coach McDermott was able to right the ship, make a pretty good run with limited resources. Are we disappointed? Sure, of course we are, but I feel a whole lot better going into the 2024 season than I did the 2023 season. 2022 should have been our year and it wasn’t. We ran into troubles again, but this time I feel like we learned. Coach McDermott and General Manager Brandon Bean have their work cut out for them, but I think the team is moving forward in a really nice direction. We have amazing talent at every position, but we have to stay healthy, which has been the biggest challenge the past two seasons.

Down the stretch between injuries and all the other adversity surrounding this team this year we did play better complimentary football and it showed. Still got to give this team credit. If Jim Kelly, Thruman Thomas, Andre Reed, Bruce Smith and Steve Tasker know anything about adversity in the game of football it is these men. They know… This team also has its own unique taste to add to the adversity this franchise has faced. All too well and it tastes like Bantha Poohdo… We still have gap problems down the board due to injuries, an undersized line backing core, and not being able to get a steady pass rush. It just exposes our zone too much. We must get better at third and longs. This killed us this year. At the beginning of the year we made tackles behind the line of scrimmage. The last ten weeks or so I saw guys straight-up miss because they got their head down or take bad angles and it’s the same guys over and over. One cannot tackle what they cannot see. I see us making more changes on Defense. I think we really need to add something at the linebacker positon. The depth just isn’t there yet, but the young guys did step up, and the unit as a whole looks promising.

We need to take a step back with our offense and look how we ran the ball in those last six games of the 2022 and the 2023 season. As stated above, we bulked up at the skill position and we should go back to that. We can run the spread with four and five wide outs, who says that must be wide receivers? Put two tight ends there instead and run out of it. Run quick hitters out of that. We can still run our pass attack in this formation and it will make defenses go mad trying to get the right matchups to stop it. Plus, you have more blocking for the Alien runs. I don’t know what we are going to do at running back to back up Cook, but we need a bruiser. Perhaps resign Harris or if Hines is coming back, implement more of him in the game plan. Cook is great but it would be great to have a solid second runner in there that can drop a shoulder and get three yards.

Josh Allen is a goddamn Alien, but he cannot do it all by himself, all of the time. He is over 90% of our total offense. We need to take some pressure off this guy with a running game. He will still get his 300 yards and multiple touchdowns, but we have to use him smarter. This will be year seven and we cannot have our #1 guy taking all those bumps all of the time. We cannot have Allen running around the field and play backyard hero-ball all of the time with the expectation that is how we have to play to win. Maybe year one, two and three, but now in year seven? I felt like we relied too much on junk plays this year, again, to sustain our offensive output.

Next Season we play another first place schedule, the NFC West, plus the Detroit Lions, likely to be another Thanksgiving game, I am guessing. It’s a decent schedule and someone has to go backward. I do not think it will be us. We have been in the mix five years in a row now. I think we have learned a thing or two, or five. We have grown up a lot from these past seasons. I am predicting Josh, ‘the Alien,’ Allen is going to be the NFL MVP next year. I am going to put a few dollars on that once I find a good bet. I think the Bills lose maybe three or four games and the road to the Super Bowl will go through Buffalo. Our road schedule could be a tough one in 2024 going by just what I see on the surface. Some teams will improve while others are in full rebuild, so we will have to see how the offseason plays out and the draft. The draft now is more important than it has ever been. Young guys are coming into the league and making more an impact than they have ever before. The Bills have the 28th overall pick in the first round, and nine total draft picks. We have no third round pick but have two fifth rounders and three sixth round draft picks. At a glance we need wide receivers, defensive linemen and help at the secondary positions. We play a lot of our tougher opponents at home, including the 49ers. Home field advantage is a real thing, but we were so flat in the divisional game it didn’t matter. If we do learn, grow, get healthy, adjust, and ad to what we already have then we’ll be back playing meaningful games in mid to late January again. Our defense has been and still is a bend but don’t break defense and they played like it most of this year except for this last game and a handful of others. The Buffalo Bills lost six games in the regular season this year. Josh Allen left the field leading or tied in four of them. Now you can say our whole team, surrounding area, people, and culture is bend but don’t break and this will not break us.

We Will Rebuild…

Till next year. I am proud of the team. Time to work on me and leave all this behind till late summer 2024... I'd love to see someone shut Mahomes up... Please...

One Team, One City, One Love, OneBuffalo…

"In the realm of righteousness, we sculpt our own justice, forging a path where vengeance prevails and the defending champs yield to our strength of our collective resolve. Go BILLS..." ~Insane AI

The 2023-2024 Buffalo Bills by David-Angelo Mineo 2/10/2024 3,643 Words

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dragon-kazansky · 2 years ago

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Save a horse

Gender neutral reader

Doc Holliday x Reader

Holliday likes what he sees, and he will let it be known.

Dedicated to @callsignscupcake

They of course wouldn’t actually say this back then, but how can I resist?

♡♡♡

Tombstone was a unique place. Therefore, it brought along some unique characters. One such person was a favourite of yours.

John Holliday, or Doc to literally everyone.

Doc didn’t know you at all. You had never dared approach the man, but you have seen him around a lot. Gambling, drinking, walking and talking with the Earp brothers. He always seemed to be around somewhere.

The man in question was up ahead talking to Wyatt Earp. You were doing some chores in town when you spotted him. You couldn’t help but admire him. The pair seemed to be in deep conversation, so you could admire them without concern of them catching you.

Doc was a dying man with a strange sense of humour, but you liked that about him. He was kind to those who gave kindness and stood up to those who tried to start a fight. Doc was also quick on the draw. You had been lucky enough to even witness his gunslinging skills.

A voice called out to the pair from behind you. The two men turned to see who was there. You had a split second to move and make it look like you hadn’t been standing there staring. You kept your head down as you walk, hoping they hadn’t noticed at all.

A pair of eyes follow you as you walk across the street and then disappear out of sight.

You don’t see Doc for a couple days after that. You’ve been busy getting on with things. Keeping to yourself. Business as usual.

It wasn’t until one evening, while making your way home, that things changed. You were lost in your own mind as you made the walk through town. A walk you knew like the back of your hand. You hadn’t even noticed him step out of the shadows until his arm was around you, and you were then facing the other way. Your snapped back to find yourself tangled up with Doc Holliday himself.

Hs hand was settled on your hip as his arm crossed over your stomach, blocking you from moving. He was flush against your side, or more so, you were flush against his. His crystal eyes shone with mischief as his lips quirked upward into a cheeky grin.

The fox had the rabbit.

“A fine evening for two fine people to meet, wouldn’t you agree?” He says, coughing a little at the end.

“Pardon?”

“Not yet. I feel your eyes on me, but our gazes never quite meet. Always fleeing the scene before we ever get a chance to speak.”

You look around you, but only find that everyone else is just passing by and getting on with their day. You’re not quite sure what’s happening and find yourself at a slight loss.

“I don’t understand,” you say.

He chuckles slightly and lowers his arm from you. You find yourself turning rather chilly without his touch upon you.

“I see you often, but you always disappear before I can even make a move. Are we destined to be in this town together but never meet? Does a dying man not get a chance with pleasant company? Perhaps my reputation chases you away.”

You frown.

“Not at all. You’re one of the best gunslingers in this town.”

He perks up at that. Plush lips quirked into a cheeky grin.

“Is that so?”

“You know so,” you say. “If you don’t mind, I was on my way home.”

Holliday does not move. Instead, he offers you his arm. You stare at it with confusion. He couldn’t possibly be offering to walk you home. Surely, he has a game to win, a drink to have, Earps to keep company.

“May I?” He asks, seeing you not make a move to accept.

Well, you do after that.

Doc feels rather smug as you take his arm and allow him the honour of your company. You both walk casually through town, with you guiding him the way.

Not once does he take his eyes off of you. You can feel his steely gaze on you as you walk.

“What is it that captured your gaze, darling?”

You avoid meeting his eyes as you look ahead.

“What are you talking about?”

“Do you think I don’t know? That I haven’t seen you? Always looking from afar, never stepping any closer. The beauty that’s forever out of reach. Never have I wanted something more,” he says, voice dropping low, lips drawing ever closer to your ear.

You swallow softly.

How can one man hold all the cards and show them to you before the game is over? Unless he’s bluffing, but what does he benefit from that? He doesn’t know you.

“Your pursuit signals are confusing me. Is this genuine?” You ask him.

“I have never been more honest in my life.”

“How could John Holliday possibly want to waste his time with me?” You ask.

“Waste? Not at all. People like you are rare in a town like this. I am lucky to even be given a moment of your time now.”

“You came up to me,” you remind him.

“Exactly. You were never going to come to me willingly. I had to take matters into my own hands and snare you into my trap.”

“Trap?”

“These arms, dear. A cage you may never wish to be freed from.”

He was smooth. Smoother than you thought possible. It was clear why people were either fond of him or despised him. He knew how to work the opinions of others.

You come to a stop, and he stops with you.

“This is me,” you say.

Doc turns to the house. It’s small and out of the way of the main city streets. Yes, it’s quite you, he thinks.

Reluctantly, he lets go of you. Yet, you don’t move from his side. You meet his eyes at last and he smiles.

“I feared you were repulsed at the sight of me.”

You’re shocked to hear that.

“How could anyone be repulsed at the sight of you? I’m sure handsome men like you get many gazes from others,” you say.

“Quite. Not all friendly.”

You laugh softly. That seems to please him.

Holliday reaches for your hand and holds it within his. He keeps his eyes on yours as he stares at you. You have to turn away after a moment as his gaze becomes too much to hold.

“May our paths cross again.”

“Should you be so lucky,” you say, finding your boldness.

“Oh, I do not need luck.”

You find yourself smiling at him.

“Then I look forward to our next meeting, Doc.”

He grins.

“As do I, darling. As do I.”

He releases your hand from his and lets you move to your house. He stands there and watches you go. Before you are able to disappear into the house, he calls out to you.

“Perhaps next time you would like to ride with me, as opposed to away from me. Save the horse, ride the cowboy, dearest.”

He tips his hat before taking his leave.

You’re left staring at his back as he goes.

Something tells you you’re in for quite the adventure wherever he is concerned. It’s one adventure you find yourself eager to take part in. Doc Holliday was right. His arms are a cage you would willingly fly into.

Perhaps sooner than you think.

#doc holliday x reader #doc holliday #tombestone 1993 #tombstone #doc holliday imagine #val kilmer

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vinvantae · 2 years ago

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We neeeeedddd a Lewis proposal or wedding day please please I feel like he'd be so private about it on an island somewhere or in the mountains near his Colorado home with just his very very best friends and family and would drop the IG photos with no warning

Yes yes yes, I loooove this. Thank you for thinking of me 💜

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Just Us

Someone once asked me what I was waiting for…

When his eyes met yours and it suddenly seemed like you were the only person in the room, you were ethereal and the smile on your face was only for him. He turned away just for a moment just to wipe away the tears but as soon as he turned back they returned, he couldn’t believe that you were about to become his wife.

You wiped away your own tears before letting Lewis take your shaking hand and guide you up to the altar beside him. “Y/n… you’re… wow…”

Soft chuckles filled the air at Lewis’ stammers - the two of you had opted for a very small and private ceremony. Only those most important to you both in the room. The two of you had always kept your relationship to a fairly low profile - of course, being paired with Lewis Hamilton, it was nearly impossible but you both enjoyed keeping your relationship private and today was no different.

His attention was brought back by the feeling of a gentle squeeze of his hands. “You don’t look too bad yourself, Lew.”

“I just wanna kiss you.” He admitted.

“Patience, my love.” You giggled. “Want to make our next kiss the first as husband and wife, no?”

Lewis wanted to pay attention to what the officiant had to say, but he was too enamoured by you. The cut of your dress fit your body perfectly and each little detail made you looked like an angel before him - the sun seemed to practically give you a halo as it began to dip down. He wanted to live in this moment forever, but he knew what was coming next would he even better.

“Lewis Carl Davidson Hamilton, do you take y/n to be your lawfully wedded wife? Through sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, ‘til death do you part?”

The way your eyes twinkled at him made his heart skip a beat, there was never any doubt in his mind.

“I do.”

“And do you y/n y/l/n, take Lewis to be your lawfully wedded husband? Through sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, ‘til death do you part?”

You squeezed his hands again. “I do.”

Lewis was practically bouncing on his feet as you exchanged rings, absolutely desperate to get his hands on his new wife.

“By the power invested in me by the state of Colorado, I pronounce you married! You may now kiss.”

The driver swept you up in his arms and dipped you low as he kissed you, your arms coming up around his neck as you smiled into it. He couldn’t believe that you really were his wife. He’d been waiting for this day for so long and now it was all real.

“I love you.”

You smiled. “I love you.”

You spent the rest of the night dancing away with your husband, the air filling with soft music and both of your giggles. The day truly was magical and Lewis still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact you were his. His wife. You stumbled into his life exactly when you were supposed to and he felt complete when you were near. Any wins felt bigger and any loss didn’t seem like such a big deal when you always met him with the proudest of smiles.

And as the day drew to a close, and you both lay in your honeymoon suite, Lewis watched as you slept softly. He hadn’t told anyone outside the wedding party of his activities today, so he was sure to turn his phone on mute before doing a wedding drop on his Instagram.

Let the chaos commence, he thought before putting his phone down and curling up with you and falling asleep.

…Turns out, I was just waiting for you

(a/n : This image is purely fictional and for entertainment purposes)

************************************************

Hope you enjoyed 💜💜💜

#f1 fic #f1 x reader #f1 x you #Lewis Hamilton #lewis hamilton x reader #hamilton x reader #lewis hamilton x you #lewis hamilton one shot

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theotheroccassionalfanficwriter · 3 years ago

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I have a request! So Reader is curious about what Zhongli was like during the Archon war so Zhongli gives them a dream (With consent of course) where they meet Morax and reader gets fucked by him. Also Zhongli is watching too. If he manifests in the dream to join in or not is up to you.

This was the hardest fic I wrote so far because I had to think if I'd go for two dicks Zhongli or not. So anon, and everyone else, please suspend your disbelief in this fic. Yeah 4 cocks might be too much for one hole but listen as the new adage says "If there's a hole, there's a way!"

Sweet Dreams Are Made of This

Summary: A simple question borne out of curiosity leads you to experience a side of Zhongli that no historian had never even thought of.

It started from an innocuous question, one borne from curiosity and genuine desire to know more about him.

“What were you like, during the Archon Wars?” You had asked, the midday sun shining brightly through the bamboo leaves on the roads of Qingce.

Your hair fluttered in the soft winds, your silver bell tinkling with each step you took as it fluttered from the sides of your sash.

“Unpleasant” He had answered after a beat, he stopped observing you and looked forward, blankly staring at the road as he remembered the way he was.

Just as cold and as unfeeling as the rocks he had come from.

“Hmmm…”

Your curious tone became on the receiving end of his inquisitive look. You smiled at him, gentle and just shy of being embarrassed, “I think, you would have no patience for my usual antics. Had you been unfortunate enough to have met me then.”

“Perhaps,” Zhongli agreed but silently he thought, ‘I would have still come to like you.’

You laughed at his agreement, oblivious to his silent thoughts, “Ah~ but I feel like I would have so much fun teasing the version of you during the Archon Wars.”

“I bet you were so uptight during that time, like a stick in the mud!” You continued in playful banter, “I’d probably be the first person who’d get you so mad you’d be red in the face!”

Zhongli found amusement in the triumphant tone you held, your tone just as excited as it was when sharing theories with Miss Alice. Zhongli found comfort in that, the knowledge that even at his most scariest, and most unpleasant point in his life, you would be fond of him.

“Zhongli, do you think that if we met back then we’d be as close as we are now?” You asked him, “personally, I think that we wouldn’t be. I don’t think I would have been able to survive the aftermath of the Archon Wars.”

Zhongli paused in his walking, his joy washed away in your rationality.

“What makes you so sure of it?” He asked, ‘I would have protected you.’

You gave him a soft smile, “We wouldn’t have gotten along, I would probably punch you in the face. And then you’d get mad for the disrespect.”

Your laughter rang in his ears, as if mocking his sentiments even if he knew that your words held a modicum of truth in it. Back then, he had no qualms on dirtying his hands, no matter how gentle he tried to be, he never wavered in face of difficult decisions, always choosing the best option that would lead to victory.

How would he have reacted to you, who fought and found answers beyond what was given, always seeking a third option that would ensure a happy end. You were not meant for war, your ideals and kindness would have no place in those cruel times.

Even so, Zhongli wanted to prove you wrong.

“Then, shall we place a bet?”

“A bet?” You asked, eyes glinting in anticipation of a boon.

“Yes. I shall give you a dream, of sorts, that can transcend through time.”

“Ooooh~! Another one of those adepti arts, I presume?”

“Yes. I would let you meet the version of me before the height of the Archon Wars” Zhongli began to explain, “then if we manage to be as close as we are now, I have won the bet. If that version of me ends up loathing you, I acquiesce to your belief.”

“And what do I get if I win?” You asked.

“Whatever you wish for” He answered, eyes shining bright like cor lapis.

“Deal.”

The golden leaves of the gingko trees fluttered as it fell down to the ground. Morax sat on one of the edges on the numerous outcrops of Qingyun Peak. It was a rare moment of peace, there was no imminent danger that needed to be quelled. Liyue was in momentary peace. He sighed and let himself relax, enjoying the solitude up until he heard the soft sound of someone landing nearby.

In an instant he appeared before a human who wore strange clothing. He pointed his spear at them, “Speak, why do you trespass on the grounds of the Adepti?”

“Huh?” You blinked at him, slowly getting up as you patted the grass and dust off your clothes, “Damn, Zhongli wasn’t really kidding when he said you were too wounded up.”

Morax frowned at your impudence, “Mortal, that is not the way to speak to the Prime Adep-”

You raised your arm towards him, interrupting him as you offered, “Osmanthus wine! I’ll share it with you if you don’t get mad at me!”

Your wide smile, warm and inviting made him uneasy. An unknown feeling bursting in his chest as he stared into glinting eyes.

“Impudent” He said before moving to capture you and bring you down the mountain.

Despite moving at a speed impossible for a human to match, you had effortlessly evaded his hands. Your laughter rang loudly in the open field, teasing and amused. Zhongli frowned and quickly gave chase and yet you eluded him, teasing him by purposely letting him almost grab the hem of your sleeves only to speed up at the last possible second before appearing far away from him in another direction.

Frustration building up, Zhongli decided to use his geo to block your path, slowly studying your moves so as to anticipate where you would move. It went on and on, erecting stone steeles to block your path until you were caged and nowhere to run.

“Uwaa~” You panted, a mild tone of complaint seeping into your voice“How come you can’t even have tenderhearted feelings for this weak human?”

Morax frowned at your blatant lies, “No human would be able to match the speed and energy of an adepti the way you do.”

You gave him an amused smile, sweat dripping down your face, “That you’ve met. Have you ever made it out of Liyue?”

Morax didn’t answer, stony gaze boring down on you.

“Aiya~ what a tough crowd…” You trailed off and yet the smile on your face never wavered, “but if you keep up such an attitude towards me~ I’ll win the bet and have an adepti answer my whim~”

“What tricks have you done, mortal!” Morax pointed his spear at your throat.

Your smug look never wavered, “Ahahaha, I did no tricks Lord Adeptus~”

“Lies!” He denounced, “What sort of charm did you use to seduce one of my own?!”

“Seduce?” You blinked at him owlishly before a wide grin broke out on your face, “Oh, oh! You think I’m seductive?”

You pushed his spear away, sauntered to him, pressing your chest close to his, arms wrapping on his neck. With a voice dripping in honey and seduction, you whispered in his ear, “Does Lord Adeptus find me pleasing to his taste? Would you like to have a taste of me?”

Your lips moved to his exposed thoat, kissing the apple of it. Morax felt some sort of stirring within him, convinced that you had placed him in a trap, he pushed you off unconsciously gentle with his grip, “What sort of spell have you casted?!”

Your laughter, soft and oddly fond, made him uncomfortable. A feeling that he could not name settling in his bones. His chest was warm as he stared on the way the soft afternoon light shone on you, casting you in warm orange light as you laughed uncontrollably.

“No spell, just utterly charming in your eyes” You answered, fluttering your eyelids and gracing him with a smile he often found among the numerous brothels on Chihu Rock.

“Shameless!” He admonished as he took out a talisman and withit binded you.

“Oh~ How kinky~” You said with amusement as if you felt no danger.

‘Foolish mortal’ Morax thought privately as he pulled you along to begin the trek down the mountain only to stumble upon your next words.

“Does Lord Adeptus plan to have his wicked way with me then? Bring me somewhere secluded and show me the might of his jade pillar?”

“You! You! You!” Morax found himself at loss for words.

“Adepti would never stoop to such a barbaric act!”

“Oh” Your disappointed voice only served to confuse him, until you uttered your next accursed words, “I wouldn’t have minded if it was you~”

A wink sent his way accompanied by the odd motion of your lips had his face beet red. It was the first time he had ever suffered such a loss. Embarrassment gave way to anger when he heard your laughter, his hand moved to curse you until another voice stopped his movements.

“Must you resort to such means, to win our bet?”

Your smile brightened up as you saw Zhongli walk in the clearing, wearing his archon clothes. His hair swayed in the wind, gentle smile plastered on his face despite the chiding tone of his voice.

“But the appeal of having you indebted to me was too much to resist!” You answered with a jovial grin that made Morax pause.

“More of you?” Morax asked with great annoyance until he realized how much similarity he had shared with the new “guest”.

A split second was all it took before you found yourself encased in Zhongli’s familiar arms, his strong shield surrounding you both as Morax’ vortex vanquisher hit the shield. You blinked, slightly rattled but still relatively calm as if you weren’t just about to be skewered by the Lord of Geo.

“Are you alright?” Zhongli asked, concern evident but you remained staring at Morax.

“Zhongli~ I’m starting to understand why you think I’d get along with this version of you!”

You grinned, eyes no longer glinting with plastic curiosity. Zhongli sighed and resigned to whatever consequence would be the outcome of your action.

It took several terse talks between Zhongli and Morax to draft an acceptable contract between the two of you and Morax. All of it just to accompany Morax in his day to day life. Zhongli found himself frequently being on the receiving end of a spear, or in some cases a glower from the amount of times you had teased his stubborn and unpleasant past self.

However, Zhongli could not deny that this version of him was growing fond of you, soft even, with the way Morax would occasionally gently steer you away from the geo vishaps or the rare times he would bring you to Azhdaha to play with the large geo dragon.

Though this soft moment would always, almost, be followed by your teasing. Zhongli wasn’t even spared from your flirtatious remarks though he did have the advantage of knowing you longer, thus he was able to render you speechless more often than not when compared to Morax. But from the past few days, Zhongli could see how Morax was learning and he knew that it would only be a matter of time before you would be rendered speechless by Morax as well.

Thus, the three of you spent the days in simple fun, getting to know each other, sharing battles and each moment Zhongli spent observing how you acted with Morax brought him some sort of warmth, happiness at your acceptance and your rationality during such troubled times. It was true that your kindness would not have survived but Zhongli could see that if you truly had lived in this time, your kindness would have just taken another form, adapting and yet remaining all the same.

You were a safe haven, for him, for Morax, and for those who met you in this troubled times. A human who stubbornly remained kind, who audaciously declared that even Celestia could be wrong. This side of you that remained hidden in the present times, flourished like a well cared for silk flower.

Therefore, it really should not have surprised him to see Morax begin courting you, not that you noticed, and yet it did. Surprise and discontent warring inside him, both claiming that you were his and one discrediting his former self. He figured that the same thing was most likely happening with Morax, from the dangerous glint in the other’s eye when he drew close to you or held you by the waist.

Somewhere between teasing Morax and having Zhongli recount his past through the various strolls you took in Liyue Harbor, you noticed the almost possessive way Morax would act towards you, the barely kept aggressiveness directed to Zhongli whenever he would care for you or the occasional soft growls towards threats you didn’t even notice.

It was fascinating to watch him, and you made no secret of it. So a part of you couldn’t help but blame yourself for provoking a dragon. Really, what sort of person says, “I can take you” to a god of war?

“Me, apparently” You thought with great regret and annoyance as you found yourself benign subjected to the intense bedroom look of Morax.

“Can you?” Morax purred, eyes glinting with something primal and you can’t help but be entranced.

You have always been drawn to beautiful and dangerous things.

In contrast to his predator smile, his kiss was gentle but no less passionate than your previous lovers. Morax’ grip on your body was firm but gentle, bringing you close to his rock hard body. You gripped his clothes as you opened your mouth wider, letting his inhuman tongue explore your mouth.

In the privacy of his abode, you didn’t hesitate to tangle with him. Battling for dominance in the bed, a passionate dance of desire that had the dragon in him purring in delight. Morax bit your neck and you moaned in pleasure before making the split decision to bite him back.

Your clothes were askew, private parts exposed to the cold air and you returned the favor to Morax. His hair was untied and his thick cocks sprung out as soon as your hands pulled down his pants. In a fluid movement, you easily took both of his cocks inside your mouth.

Morax, who had never experienced such a thing, felt his heart quicken just as his arousal rose once more. It was a testament for his new found feelings towards you that he let his guard down and lost himself to the sensation of your tongue and mouth as it sucked him off. His hand clasped the back of your neck and held you still as he began fucking your mouth.

Your moans of pleasure made wonderful vibrations that intensified his arousal, drool dribbled down on the side of your lips as you slowly lost yourself to the haze of pleasure. His bed shook with each vigorous thrust that hit the back of your throat, he stilled inside your mouth, his cocks managing to not make gag as it spilled thick loads of cum down your throat.

Morax smirked at you and you smiled back, lazy and challenging. He laid you on the bed, body naked as the day you were born. Despite his recent orgasm, his cocks were still erect and throbbing, you bit your lip in anticipation.

Legs spread wide, exposing your hole that was calling out for his cocks with each twitch that was visible in Morax’ eyes, you were the picture of desire. Morax swore as soon as he plunged his cocks inside your tight and warm hole, you moaned feeling as if you had ascended to Celestia itself when his cocks stretched your hole. The burn, a mixture of pleasure and pain.

He moved slowly, coaxing you with sweet words as you cried out in pain and pleasure until the only feeling left was pleasure. For all of his inexperience, Morax was good at reading people and body language, and yours was the easiest he had read. It took him barely a minute before he was able to accurately tell which parts sent you to a high, which part of you brought forth more arousal.

He sucked on your tits as he thrusted into you, hitting your sensitive spot that had you moaning and begging his name. Your lustful moans felt more devoted than any other prayer he had received from his people. Your kisses felt more divine than any offering he had ever tasted.

If there had been another way to reach Divinity, Morax had no doubt that making love with you was one of them. Each touch from you sent his body aflame, each call of his name made him feel more of a god that he wasn’t.

Oh! How he wanted to drown in you for eternity until erosion came for him. He wanted you in all the ways he never understood, each particle of his cell calling out to yours, and Morax felt it too much so he poured each and every emotion you made him feel in fucking you. He fucked you as if to brand himself in you in all the ways that matter. He plunged his cocks inside you again and again, bringing you countless orgasms as you submissively let him maneuver your body however he wanted.

He fucked you from behind, thrusting hard enough to leave marks on your buttocks, spilling his seed again and again without stopping his thrusts as you came again and again.

He fucked you sideways, spreading your legs high and wide, as his mouth kissed and bit your neck, his hand pinching and twisting your nipples while his cocks slid in and out of your hole that was overflowing with his seed. He broke you apart with each round and mended you over and over again until you lost count of the times you came.

Both of you were so focused on each other that neither of you noticed the arrival of Zhongli.

And what a sight it was to behold, the way your body contorted in half as he watched Morax impale you with his cock again and again, the scent of sex heavy in the air. Zhongli felt his cock stir, quickly hardening as the lewd sounds of flesh clapping echoed loudly, he moved slowly as he divested himself of his clothes until he reached the side of the bed just as you and Morax laid on the bed, panting from the most recent orgasm.

He observed your body seeing the marks and bruises that littered it on top of the numerous drying flecks of cum on your skin. He swallowed his saliva and spoke,

“Perhaps there is room for one more?”

And your smile, inviting and sparkling at the thought of another challenge, made him breathless and helplessly fond of you all over again. The continuous and seemingly never ending cycle of him falling for you over and over again was one he would never tire of.

“Why don’t you come over and see for yourself?” You said, positioning yourself to lie on Morax as you spread your legs once more, hands going to your hole and spreading it for Zhongli to properly appreciate.

You felt Morax’ cum dribble down just as you felt his displease growl.

“I bet I can take the two of you at once”

There was no such thing as a medicine for regret, and it was one you had no need for. Not when two predatory glint brought you to a new height of pleasure.

Zhongli’s thrust was just as hard if not rougher than Morax, as if he was releasing centuries of frustrations to your abused hole, not that you were complaining. You were already lost to the pleasure of their cocks filling you and stretching you, all semblance of rationality thrown away as you begged for their cocks.

Zhongli’s cocks fucked your hole, easily slipping in and out from the cocks it had been receiving from Morax, Zhongli’s cocks were thicker but shorter when compared to Morax. Despite that his skillful thrust had you clamping and twisting as your mouth busied itself with Morax’ cocks.

Between the two of them, not a single part of you remained untouched. Your body was stained with their love, their marks littering every inch of your skin, their hands leaving bruises on your skin as you sank deeper and deeper into them. The overpowering scent of cum filled your senses as Zhongli and Morax threw away their rationality and began to fuck you like beasts in heat.

The fact that you could take them both at once, was proven true, with the way your holes relentlessly sought their cocks, how you ignored your bruised knees just to get into a better position for them. And it pleased them terribly, made them want you more. To make you theirs permanently and for as long as they breathe. It made them fuck you harder, just to reach deeper inside you, spilling their thick cum inside you until it over flowed.

You moaned, joy mixing with pleasure as you came just as they filled you to the brim. White spots filling your vision until you finally passed out. Your body remained responsive, your hole twitching as Zhongli continued fucking you through your orgasm.

Morax grinned, animalistic, as he took his cocks and smeared the remaining cum on your lips and then spreading it on your face, “You really could take us both at once.”

His cum spilled from the slight gap in your mouth, his thumb gently pushed it back inside before he turned to Zhongli, “Shall we see if they can take all of our cocks in one hole?”

Zhongli stilled as he spilled more of his cum inside, then he answered, “Let’s see how long it takes before they wake up as well.”

The two of them worked together, loosening your hole until it was able to fit four cocks inside, your walls spasmed with every thrust as your let out unconscious moans with the immense amount of pleasure from having four cocks inside you. Your unconscious and limp body was sandwiched between Zhongli and Morax, your nipples played with until it was sore and overly stimulated. The two of them didn’t stop fucking you until your stomach was filled with their cum, their cocks repeatedly penetrated you, thrusting inside you again and again until they had their fill.

Their cum created pools of semen on the bed sheets, some of it on the floor when the two decided to switch positions, trying out different positions with your unconscious but eager body until they were satisfied. By the time you woke up it was already afternoon of the next day, your body utterly sore from all the sex it went through.

You blinked and realized that there was someone sleeping beside you, a quick glance on the side and you recognized Zhongli, ‘The dream must have already ended’ you thought as you slowly got up from the bed.

Except your legs could barely stand, making you fall into the floor in a flash. You blinked, your mind not registering the pain but instead focusing on the feeling of something warm dripping down from between your thighs.

“Are you alright?” Zhongli asked, the vestiges of sleep clinging on his eyes, as he frantically assisted you back to the bed.

His torso was filled with scratches and bite marks. You flushed with embarrassment as you recognized the marks you left on him.

“I-just what happened after I passed out?”

“The first or the second one?”

“?”

Zhongli smiled tenderly at you, “It’s alright if you can’t remember, I’m sure another round would jog your memory.”

Like a magic trick, his words had your hole eagerly twitching with anticipation. Coyly you lied back on the bed and spread your legs, showing him your glistening, cum filled hole.

“Perhaps” You agreed with a seductive smile, “I’m sure I can take you well.”

#zhongli x reader #genshin impact zhongli x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact morax x reader

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guhamun · 6 months ago

Text

STANDING BESIDE JIYAN, HE CROSSED his arms, saying nothing as the General spoke to both his Hounds and the Midnight Rangers. It was…surprising, still, to him, that this man would do this much. Had any other been in their place, he would have found the speech they gave to be insincere no different from that of a politician trying to win over the masses. He had met many with silver tongues, but…everything about what left Jiyan’s lips was honest. Truly so. If he could sense it, then his Hounds could too. They were not often thanked for their service. Why would they be when they were only offering assistance for the sake of material gain? Even those whose hearts were not wholly focused on shell credits, would never work for free simply because someone asked them to. Silently he listened as other rangers began to speak, their words just as heartfelt as Jiyan’s were – their thanks just as genuine. Just like he had been surprised, his Hounds had been too. He could see it in their eyes, in the way some of their lips parted, and how wholly unguarded each was in the face of all of this.

Perhaps it was because no one ever cared about their assistance in the same way that these people did. To another nation, they might just be equivalent to bodies in an army whose names were never uttered or even learned. Calcharo didn’t understand these people of Jinzhou. He wasn’t sure he ever would no matter how long he stayed in these lands, but all the same…even his cold, jaded heart felt…something. Was it pride for his Ghost Hounds? Was it another feeling entirely? He wasn’t really sure, nor was he sure how to put that unfamiliar feeling into words. It was the same thing he felt when he sat somewhere on high in the distance, looking over the city of Jinzhou and overlooking the people down below as they laughed and enjoyed their lives despite all the hardship around them. The apology that came from Jiyan was not surprising. Calcharo had expected that would be added into the speech itself, as well as the other words that followed after that. Even if he had expected it, such would still put his people at ease all the same.

In the New Federation, you had to constantly be alert even when your environment seemed peaceful. It was that lapse, that lull, that always made people lose that caution. Here, though, it was easy to put aside old instincts and to let them fade until they were but a dull whisper in the background of one’s mind. Even if had managed to drop his own guard a little too.

It was foolish of him…

As soon as everything came back to him, he gave a small nod to Jiyan. ❝Thank you for your speech, General. It means much that you would take the time to offer it. To the Midnight Rangers, who spoke and offered those touching words, we too offer thanks to you as well.❞ There was a quick agreeance from his Ghost Hounds, the heavy air that had existed now clearer as each offered their own verbal thanks. This was something they needed to hear to boost their morale. ❝Now, then, with that lead off, I will give my own speech as I know you all expect it. All of you did your best, so don’t be hard on yourselves for any losses. The Outbreak was one we were not expecting since they have trickled down into the single digits, but we mustn’t lower our guards. Remember, peace is just a moment for us, and so we don’t get the luxury to enjoy it for too long. We will learn from this and train harder going forward. Keep your fangs sharp. That aside, later on today when things have settled, I wish to talk to you all about a deal that may be made with the General. I require your input on the matter before I make such a decision as it directly affects each and every one of you.❞

He saw the intrigue.

Truthfully, Calcharo already knew what their answer would be to his question. Even so, he would approach this as he always did when it concerned the group. ❝Until then, continue to assist one another and help where needed. We can’t have our Midnight Ranger comrades doing all the work on our headquarters, now can we?❞ Affirmatives were given, such all he needed to hear. ❝Good. Dismissed.❞ Only when everyone trickled out to resume whatever they had been doing previously, did he turn to find where he could help as well. With all these hands at work with bringing everything back to order, things should be done relatively quickly. For now, he wouldn’t think about anything else except for the task at hand.

"I'm afraid that I'm not a professional speaker, I'll just talk as the general of the Midnight Rangers." The truth was that he had never considered himself a public speaker. But, since he joined the Midnight Rangers when he still was a teen, he found himself in that position due to the circumstances. Back at the Riverside games, when him and other new recruits were being cornered by TD, someone needed to give them courage and fight back. Back at the camp, when the morale was low after an encounter with TD that took many lives, someone needed to break the depressing silence. At the war, when the rangers were dying left and right, haunted by delusions, someone needed to stand up and remind them why they became rangers in the first place. The number of times increased dramatically since he was assigned general, welcoming the new recruits, before any risky operation, after a bitter battle, countless times. He never had anything prepared for the occasion, he just spoke from the heart.

As he walked where all were gathered, he spotted Jianyu, which made him flash a subtle smile, nodding to greet the mercenary and his dreadmane. Once all eyes were on him and silence reigned, he spoke up. "Ghost Hounds, we meet in grievous circumstances, but I would like to introduce myself as I see new faces among your ranks. I am the general of the Midnight Rangers, Jiyan..." As he talked, the rangers and combat medics present moved closer, subtly making a group next to their general. "Since our agreement, your service in Jinzhou and its surroundings have represented a great aid to the Midnight Rangers. I can't thank you enough for your work that has saved the lives of many of our men and women. Our number of casualties and injured have dropped significantly with your assistance." The head of the combat medics nodded and told how the assistance of the mercenaries allowed them to treat a few gravely injured rangers in time. Another ranger stepped in to tell how two mercenaries helped held back a TD attack. In fact, everyone present had been in one way or another aided by the mercenaries, all familiar faces.

Once they were all done talking, the general spoke again. "That's why I would like to apologize for not corresponding the aid you've provided us these past years. Even if our alliance is a temporary one, you are our esteemed allies and warrant the same respect and dutifulness you've offered us. This calamity has shown me that we don't have the proper methods of communication or discussed plan to handle this and similar situations. That is unacceptable and I would like to fix that as soon as possible. Since this was a lack of foresight on our behalf, please let us take responsibility and aid until your base returns to its original glory." The message he wanted to send was that the Midnight Rangers would never leave them behind. It may sound noble to some, and a mutually beneficial agreement to others. After all, the Ghost Hounds were more 'useful' to the Midnight Rangers when in good shape. A practical way of thinking the general couldn't fully agree with (as he wasn't one to help to receive something in return), but would follow if that was what was asked of him. "Lastly, I would like to say that you're always welcome in Jinzhou. You're not outsiders to us. So, even if it's a temporary one, I hope that you see it as your home."

It was then that he turned to look at the leader of the mercenaries for a second before saying: "Your leader has an important matter to discuss with you, so I do not wish to take more of your time. The rangers and I will be assessing damage and working on reparations in the meantime."

#;caemthe #;caemthe : jiyan #[ty for your speech mr. jiyan it touches the heart]#;m: calcharo #;v: howl thrive survive #;mini

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alreadyblondenow · 4 years ago

Text

Sweet | Jung Jaehyun

❤︎ Jaehyun x female!reader ❤︎ Fluff? Smut, Smut, Smut, Smut, Tiny bit of angst, College AU, Established relationship ❤︎ 2/4 for LOVE MONTH SERIES: Boys Don’t Cry One is a big number | You and your words | Sweet | He loves me, he loves me not |

Summary: Jaehyun has always been in love with you but he thinks so highly of you that he never tried pursuing his feelings for you. All throughout your college years, Jaehyun endured every heartbreak secretly whenever you have a new boyfriend and can only love you secretly in his own ways. Wild. College years was wild and its all because of Jaehyun. After college, you and Jaehyun parted ways but life will reunite you again in the most shocking way. Jaehyun’s wedding.

Word count: 13,707k

Warnings: Sex, sex, sex, and loads of sex, unprotected sex, loss of virginity, making of sex tape (with consent), making of amateur porn? (with consent), cam boys and cam girl?? idk what to call that but they fuck live, mentions of alcohol, period fingering, mentions of tampon, dry humping, oral sex female receiving, mentions of blowjob, slight blowjob scene, mentions of other idols, swearing, college students who just wanna have fun haha, kissing and touching, fingering, and slight nipple play, mentions of having sex with Johnny. AH SLIGHT BREAK UP SEX!

A/N: PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. okay, I know I said that this will be out on Jaehyun’s birthday but meh whatever I’m posting it and will post something else for hearts day. hehe. I hope you guys love this even though im just experimenting and trying to write longer fics, and seriously I wanted to write back to back smut with different feels so I guess im crossing that out of my bucket list. Also this is proof read once only so sorry. You may not be happy with the ending but I’m sure as hell happy with it so sorry.

Humans are prone to fall in love with the wrong people and the only thing you can do about it is to forgive yourself and move on. No matter how much history you had, no matter how many special moments or intimate ones you shared… if you know that he or she is not the right person for you then, you know.

Like this moment right now. For exactly ten minutes, you will realize why you and a certain someone never worked out.

“Hey, boss you have a 10 am meeting. Planning for everything” Your assistant says as you double-check your schedule to see the name of the client she’s talking about. “That’s the bride though, 0% progress for the wedding” she added.

“Yikes” you murmur and ready your stuff, “let’s fix that and give her a beautiful wedding. I need you to take down everything she says while I talk to her” you straighten your clothes and fix yourself before you face the client.

The moment you enter the room, the bride greets you with a big smile like she’s saying ‘thank you for saving me and my wedding’ even though you literally haven't done anything yet. Oh, you love seeing those hopeful eyes in every bride. “I’m just waiting for my fiancé, he’s the one who recommends coming here and I have a great feeling that I will have a beautiful wedding because of you”

“And my team,” you added and finished her sentence, “I want to introduce you to my assistant, she will be taking care of every request you say during our discussion later”

“And I want to introduce you to my fiancé, Jaehyun,” she said with a big smile and walked towards his fiancé.

And just like that your ordinary day at the office became extraordinary. Because nothing is normal about Jung Jaehyun, nothing is normal about those dimpled smile that automatically makes your heart skip a beat.

“Baby, this is the wedding organizer” her smile has no hint of mock, she’s not even proud that she has a very handsome fiancé and obviously she doesn’t know who you are. She’s just happy that she’s marrying Jaehyun. That’s all. And in those eyes, you see that Jaehyun is in the right hands.

“Mhmm. Me, Johnny, and Ms. Y/n right here are dorm mates. So you’re talking to the best wedding organizer,” you snorted at what Jaehyun said.

“Thank you for that introduction Jung, now let’s talk about your wedding”

And so, you worked your magic to them the whole morning. Explaining things, showing stuff, asking them what they want. From the wedding reception, wedding dress appointments, and picking of cakes… she has no idea of what she wants. Good thing you do know what you’re doing and you planned everything smoothly after a few hours. And for hours and hours, you watched them smile at each other, lowkey flirted in front of you but you didn’t feel any jealousy, hurt, or regret.

When the exhausting meeting was finally done and finally you’re alone at your office, a soft knock brought you back to reality and a familiar voice was behind it. “Can I come in?” Jaehyun asks.

“Of course, it’s open” you watch him enter your office like he’s some kind of a ghost and made the room cold in an instant.

“I just want to say thank you for helping us out- thank goodness the world is small… Literally, the wedding will be a mess”

“Just doing my job Jae,” you smiled sweetly to him, “your fiancé is lovely-“

“I did love you Y/n. And I’m sorry for hurting you like that, I told you, you deserve better. I’m glad we both found our happiness” he flashed that dimpled smile again and thanked you one last time.

The little reunion ended with small smiles, nods here and there, and in just a few seconds Jaehyun is out from your office and quickly replaced by your assistant to give you your afternoon coffee. Awkward and curious, she placed the coffee in front of you. Obviously, she wanted to know your past with the groom. And when she finally dropped the question, you remembered everything, moments crashing and drowning you right this instance.

Eight years ago

“Are you even trying, you’re no fun!”

Your best friend shouts at you from the other side of the table, waiting for you to throw the ball, waiting for you to miss. It was just beer pong but you don’t know why the game was so fucking frustrating and no matter how hard you concentrate you can’t score. Maybe it’s because you’re all alone and you’re competing against your best friend and her boyfriend. Fuck that you thought, you don’t need a man.

“Fuck” you murmur and miss again. You watch your best friend’s boyfriend score another one and of course, you have to drink again. But just when you’re about to get the ball from drink, a stranger’s hand was quick to get the cup, remove the ball and drink the alcohol.

“Mind if I join and help you win?” He flashed you a dimpled smile that immediately made you smile back at him. You take back what you said earlier, maybe you do need someone.

“Come on! Let him in, maybe he’s a better competition” your best friend shouts once again. Oh, you’re very happy that you’re not going to the same college.

As you welcome the handsome stranger and gave him the honor of throwing the ball, you warned him first that your opponents can be very annoying but he doesn't seem to care and just let out a small laugh. Cocky you thought, but confidence looks sexy on him.

And finally. Fucking finally, your best friend had a taste of her own medicine.

“I’m Jaehyun by the way,” he was lowkey flirting with you and you’re not stupid to not notice. “Here, I’ll teach you how to throw” he put the ball in your palm and stood behind you, hands on your waist to keep you steady, arms raised together, and you swear his lips were so near at your nape that you got shivers whenever he talks. “let the ball bounce near a cup and it will land on one” he added. But how can you score if he’s making it hard for you? You did it anyways, threw the ball near a cup and he was right. It landed on the cup you wish to aim and finally, you’re starting to have fun.

The game went on and you and Jaehyun flirted, talked, and exchange deep glances the entire game but winning it at the same time. His one hand is always around your waist even if it's not necessary whenever he’s the one throwing the ball, and whenever the other team scores, he’s the one drinking the alcoholic beverage for you.

At the end of the game, you and Jaehyun won the golden prize which is very awkward when he showed it to you.

“All that frustration and competition for a condom?” you can’t believe that the prize is a single condom.

“We don’t have to use it, it can just be our trophy you know” he let out a small laugh and put the condom in his pocket, and changed the subject.

As the night went deeper, you and Jaehyun had your own little world in that corner at the kitchen with a beer in your hand while you talk about your interest from music to movies. It was pretty crowded but no one seems to care especially Jaehyun because he loves how incredibly close he is to you right now. Until a drunk person bumped Jaehyun and he accidentally spilled his beer on your blouse. Seems like the universe is making a way for you two to eventually hook up and use the condom.

“Shit-shit!” Jaehyun was panicking at the moment and he doesn’t know what to do other than remove his hoodie and cover you with it before anyone sees your see-through blouse and took you somewhere less crowded to help you clean up the mess he put you through.

In a stranger's room upstairs, he locked the door to let you change while he looks for something to dry your clothes with. Luckily, he saw a hairdryer and quickly plugged it in beside the bed and started drying your shirt.

You were conscious for some time, clinging to a stranger's blanket with nothing but your pants underneath it. You watch Jaehyun dry your bra, checking it from time to time if it's ready to go. And when it's finally dry, he hands it to you with an awkward smile but still managed to make your heart beat fast. “I’m really sorry,” he started, a quickly avoided his gaze from you again as you turn your back from him, put down the blanket, and wear your bra like there's no one with you.

“It was an accident, don’t beat yourself up,” you said, there’s no way he’s going to let this go you’re sure of it, so with all your bravery, you came closer to him while he's busy drying your blouse and kissed him on the cheek. “You've been saving me the whole night. You saved me from boredom and from losing and now, you're drying my clothes. So sweet of you,” you added and looked at him sweetly, resting your forehead on his and making the moment even more intense by putting down the blanket in front of him. Allowing him to see you with only wearing your bra and pants, inviting him to make this moment unforgettable for the two of you.

Of course, he's not stupid and did exactly what you had in mind. In one swift moved his lips are on your lips, hands on your shoulders to put your bra straps down, and you unclasped your bra and threw it on the floor before you started to kiss him more intensely.

Jaehyun kissed you exactly how you wanted to be kissed, with want and with lust. His breath and the sound of wet kisses sounded perfect as it surrounds the room. You felt him bite your neck then feel him smile against your skin when his intentions of turning you on even more is working.

Kisses became deeper, playful, and wet when he started to go down to your chest and started kissing the valley between your boobs. His big hands knead your right boob, while his left hand is placed on your waist. Oh when his tongue brushed on your nipple for the first time, you rolled your head back and arched your back as if you wanted him to do more and play more with your boobs.

And just like that the cold night became warm and you feel it getting warmer and warmer by every second and it’s all because of Jaehyun.

He flashed a dimpled smile at you when he saw that you're more than liking what he's doing to you and stopped to open the lampshade. The room was immediately softly illuminated which you thought is romantic even though everything that’s happening right now is totally unplanned.

"Your boobs have spit all over, wait let me get that for you" you were just about to tell him that it's fine but he was quick to remove his shirt and reveal his godlike body right before your eyes. “If you just want to kiss and touch the whole night, I’m fine with that but I am very horny right now that I got you covered with spit,” he said while wiping his spit from your boobs and chest using his shirt.

If you’re perfectly honest, you’re nervous about what can happen in the next few minutes. But there’s no way in hell that you’re going to let this pass, it’s not every day a handsome man is eager to fuck you. You just have to suck it up, not tell him that you’re a virgin, perform and look like you know what you’re doing. "No, it's fine I'm horny too" and you proved it by kissing him again, cupping his face with both of your hands, and with all your strength you roll on top of him. "Wait here," you said as you push him back on the mattress when he tried to get a hold of you.

You went down from the bed to remove your pants and underwear, he did the same as quickly as he can and you think he's cute for being excited to fuck. You crawled in between his legs, sat nicely on top of him but the impatient guy sat up and met your lips again. One hand supporting his weight, one hand on your waist. "You're so fucking beautiful I'm having a hard time to breath for the last few minutes" he whispers so sexily while kissing your jaw, leaving his mark to remind you the next day about tonight.

For a minute, you felt shy because you've never been naked with someone in bed. But the way Jaehyun kisses you makes you trust him, the way he touches your body with care make you want him more. And again, those fucking lips just made you roll your hips against his hardening cock and it made you both moaned so good that he asked you to do it again. And so you did.

Letting his cock slide in between your folds is a new feeling for you. Not even grinding on your vibrator will give you such an amazing feeling. Grinding on Jaehyun's cock while his mouth plays with your boobs felt fucking good that your grip on his locks tightens but he doesn't care. But for someone untouched like you, you made sure you never forget the feeling whenever his tongue swirls while you roll your hips, how he bites your nipples whenever he feels you're slowing down, and the vibrations that share with you whenever he grunts a little too loud and you feel it all over your body.

Soon Jaehyun switched places with you, putting you underneath him to catch his breath and stop himself from cumming. He reached for your hand and hold it dearly, kissing your knuckles and the back of your hand. “Forgive me if I become rough tonight, I can promise an aftercare don’t worry,” he says and gave you one last kiss before he pulls away and gets the condom from the pocket of his discarded pants. Putting the protection in front of you to assure you, thank goodness to that condom you thought.

As soon as he crawls back in between your legs again, his hand moved around your body like he’s telling you he owns you, smiling in between kisses whenever he accidentally tickles you. Hands slipping in between your thighs and fingers brushed automatically on your very wet slit. You jolt because of the new feeling but careful not to show Jaehyun that this is your first time being finger fucked. So you closed your eyes to avoid his gaze but Jaehyun gave your ass a tight squeeze and put his thumb on your wet slit, admiring how wet he made you already which made you open your eyes again and moan his name deliciously.

“I like the sound of that,” he says, kissing your neck and down Jaehyun goes, kissing your body until he reaches your pussy to give you few licks before he fucks you.

The way he licked your wet folds made your toes curl and your legs spread even wider. Pushing his head away, crushing his head with your legs then spreading it wide again, and begged him but you’re not sure what for.

“Jae- you eat pussy like a pro” or maybe you’re just telling that because it’s your first time being eaten out. That even the way he puts the right amount of force to stop your legs from closing whenever he flicks his tongue is perfect. And when he saw you relaxing and can handle the pleasure already, his hands cupped both of your boobs and pinched your nipples, making you moan his name loudly “Jae!-“ and arch your back as a sign that you’re almost there, and if he doesn’t stop soon you might cum now.

But of course, Jaehyun didn’t stop and made you cum using his tongue for the first time tonight. Your legs felt like jelly and you can even feel that your pussy is still sensitive. “Thought it’s going to be just a few licks?” you said weakly, wiping your pussy juices from his chin and planting a soft kiss on his lips as a thank you, but he doesn’t know that.

“Changed my mind, you taste good. I might even go for another round-“

And right before he goes down on you again, you stopped him and told him you’re still sensitive. Which thankfully he listened and kissed you instead of licking you. And when you’re finally good to go again, he holds you by your ankles, kiss your neck and touch your body for a few seconds before he finally lines his cock on your very wet slit. Sliding it up and down, teasing you and making you horny and even more aroused.

When he finally pushed his cock in your hole, Jaehyun thought his dick will slide in smoothly because, one, he thought you’re not a virgin anymore and two, you’re dripping on the sheets but still he’s having a hard time pushing in. Then he saw your face, contorting like you’re in pain rather than seeing you furrow your brows, part your lips, and make beautiful sounds.

For you, it fucking hurts and you would rather suck it up than tell him you’re still a virgin and ruin the mood. But the man on top of you is not stupid and surprisingly he pulled out slowly and came closer to your body once again to face you, “I’m about to be your first time, am I right? You’re so tight and I’ve never encountered a hole like that ever since my first fuck”

Busted you thought. You thought of any more ways to get out of this situation but he looks like he’s okay with it. “Are you mad?” you asked shyly and avoiding his stare.

“No” he admitted, “Actually I’m turned on. But I’ll go slow and sorry if I hurt you at first. Want to try again?”

You nod oh eagerly to his question and finally, you can breathe and enjoy the moment. He gave you a few kisses before he continues and went back to lining his cock, he made you wrap your arms around his neck and asked you to spread your legs even wider. And when he pushed in again, there’s that good stretch you’ve been hearing so much about. The feeling of Jaehyun’s cock go slowly inside you was incredibly good even though he’s not fucking you raw right now.

“The condom is thin-“ he grunts and moaned a few times, “you’re so tight. And fuck you look hot. Does it feel good now?” he whispers and started to roll his hips once which made you both moan and let out sharp gasps.

He fucks you slow and deep until the sting from the stretch is replaced by pleasure. You rake his body with your nails, holding him on his nape, and grab a fistful of hair whenever he tries to give you a powerful thrust which you loved so you asked for more.

He sat on his knees and pull away from your body then immediately gave you a hard thrust, watching your boobs bounce with lidded eyes, kneading them whenever he wants to. In a matter of few minutes, his thrust became animalistic that your head is dangling on the edge of the bed, moaning and gasping sharply but the man above you kept on fucking you hard, savoring the condom and trying not to cum so soon. So whenever he’s on edge, he pulls out immediately and spreads kisses around your body, sucking your boobs until your nipples are swollen, playing with your slit until you’re cumming for the third time tonight using his fingers.

“Not yet, I want more time with you,” he says while kissing your neck and reaching for your hand to intertwine it with his.

“Jaehyun, I can’t take it anymore. Please cum already” you begged with ragged breaths.

“Fine, fine. Since you asked nicely, but promise me to give me your number after we fuck”

“I will if you make me cum using your dick” he was amused by your answer and effortlessly flipped you on your stomach and asked you to put your ass in the air. He kissed your shoulders first, making you feel safe before the grand finale. Hands on your ass while he slowly thrust in again and fuck, he does make your knees weak.

“You were just a virgin a few minutes ago, but now you’re begging huh, okay” he says before he gave you a hard thrust that made you land flat on your stomach but he was quick to lift your hips again and give you another hard thrust.

Thrust after thrust you feel the impact in your body and for sure your body will be sore the next day. You call his name over and over again but you’re not sure what you’re begging for because he is fucking you good. Hard but good. And when finally Jaehyun is on edge for the nth time tonight, he did not pull out and kept fucking you but this time he doubled his pace that you can only hear skin slapping and his beautiful moans.

“Fuck Jaehyun- I’m cumming again, don’t you dare fucking stop” you grip the sheets and arch your back more, taking every thrust Jaehyun gives you and shut your eyes close as you let go and cum for the fourth time tonight.

Thrust

He gave you three powerful thrusts before you both flop on the mattress and catch your breath together. Your bodies were warm and sweaty, the room smelled like sex but no one cares. You feel bad to the owner of this bed.

While you catch your breath and calm yourself down, Jaehyun busies himself with discarding the condom and looking for something to cover your exposed body before he makes a wrong decision like asking you for round two.

“Thanks” you said weakly when he covered you with the blanket.

“I hope you’re okay with me being your first” he says and lies beside you again, keeping you close to him.

“I’m more than okay with it” you kissed him on the lips like you’re keeping a souvenir, “I hate to ruin this moment that we shared but, we have to go back to the party” you watch him shook his head no and pretended to be asleep, “Mhmm. Come on, I’ll help you get dressed” you added.

To be perfectly honest Jaehyun wanted to stay with you for a few more minutes, he wanted to know more about you, he wanted to hold your hand just a little bit longer. “Stay with me” he asks of you, but you refused with a heavy heart. You exchanged cellphone numbers of course, but when you two got back to the party, hand in hand and back to flirting with each other, your friends are quick to get a hold of you. and the next thing you know you’re inside your friend’s car, on your way home and you couldn’t stop thinking about him.

On the next day, you woke up very sore and you couldn’t walk properly but the thought of what happened last night just makes you smile and all giggly. You waited for his text the whole day, checking your phone from time to time and hoping that whenever it beeps, Jaehyun’s name is on the screen but no.

You thought that waiting for him for a day is normal, maybe he got hungover and slept the whole day. But after a few days later, still you got no texts from him and that part is not normal anymore. You started to think that you’re just a one-time thing for him and you feel stupid for even thinking that Jaehyun can and eventually pursue you.

Everything that happened that night, should be forgotten and you should enjoy the remaining months of your summer before you finally move in to your college dorm. On top of that, you deleted his number and tried to forget the man who made you feel good in bed for the first time.

Now that you’re weeks away from officially being a college student, you decided to settle in your college dorm as early as now so you can have more time to know your dorm mates. Little did you know, that the world is incredibly small and you will end up being dorm mates with Jaehyun alongside his best friend Johnny who welcomed you with a big bear hug like you’ve known each other for years.

It’s not that you weren’t happy to see him when he opened the door for you, it’s just that... it was such an awkward moment because you’ve seen each other naked and... he didn’t call you back. Nonetheless, you pretended to know each other for the first time today, shake his hand and give him a hug. Which you didn’t want to end so soon.

“Hey, uhm… glad to see you settle in” he started and closed your door so Johnny would not hear whatever conversation you’re about to have.

“Yeah, thank you for welcoming me warmly. Johnny is sweet by the way” you said awkwardly while folding your clothes and putting them in your cabinet.

“Uh, about that. Uhm, can you uh-“

“Not tell him that something happened between us?” he nods slowly at what you said, “sure” you wanted to scoff so bad and throw a fit at him, but you didn’t want to ruin your move in day and just shrugged it off.

Starting that day, you tried your best not to be awkward with Jaehyun and really try your best to forget about the sex. The sex that felt good, the sex that can make your toes curl by just merely thinking about it. Although you had a hard time because whenever you touch yourself at night, you remember everything that happened between you two and you end up fantasizing about fucking Jaehyun again. But now that you’re living with him and you see him every day, it's not just about the sex now.

During the summer you were convinced that Jaehyun is a guy who had sex with you and left you hanging. But seeing him every day and knowing him even more by living together, the truth about Jaehyun slapped you so hard that you even liked him even more now. He is a warm person, whose heart is full of care and compassion, or maybe even more than that.

Eventually, you did forget about the sex and your little crush on Jaehyun. Thank goodness, you thought. You couldn’t have done it without a few hookups during your freshman year. And when everything is all nice and pleasant again between you and Jaehyun, you became good friends and started to look after each other.

You were like family in that small dorm during your starting years together. The two giant knows how to cook so a good meal is never a problem, you have study sessions whenever it’s needed and whenever someone is going through something, you were there for each other.

It was great and comforting because you do everything together. But not until Jaehyun realized that he’s not immune to your charms anymore and now he’s falling for you. Hard.

Over the years of living together, Jaehyun saw your true colors. Now he knows you’re more than just a hookup. You were a gem that he found in a stranger’s party and he was such a fool for not calling you back during the summer. It’s true what they say that regrets are always at the end. Now he can only admire you and love you in ways where he can’t ruin this amazing friendship that you have.

Jaehyun endured every heartbreak whenever he sees you with another man or hearing you moan from the other side of the room whenever you and your boyfriend have sex. And when that jerk broke your heart, his broke two times than yours because he can’t do anything to ease your pain, make you realize your true worth and help you move on.

“You don’t need that guy,” Jaehyun says as he pulls you for a hug while Johnny massages your toes. The two giants were a good support system, not to mention they really want to beat your ex’s butt but you told them ‘thanks but, no don’t do that’. And while you’re crying in Jaehyun’s arms, staining his hoodie with your tears, he promised to himself that he will never hurt you or make you cry.

Now that he’s frustrated and mad at himself because he can’t help you, he decided to help himself instead. He watched on the sides and used different girls to make him forget about you, which is hardly impossible by now because even the little things you do make him crazy. Like whenever you ask him to eat dinner with you when Johnny is out for work, or whenever you take care of him when he goes home batshit drunk and can’t even stand up straight.

For Jaehyun, his college years were all about yearning. Yearning for you, your attention, your touch, and your love. But even though you’re now single and have already moved on from your ex, he still can’t confess his feelings for you because he believes that you deserve someone better than him. Jaehyun knew he hurt you already, and he will not forgive himself if he does it again.

Senior year

In a middle of a busy cafeteria, you, Johnny, and Jaehyun are thinking of ways how to earn money for your dorm rent. This semester made you guys bring out a lot of cash because of books and some of your rent money was needed to sacrifice for education. But now that you guys are a month late with your rent, you have no idea where to get cash knowing all too well that your parents won’t chip in.

“I could sell some of my clothes” Jaehyun suggested while drinking his coffee.

“Dude your clothes are all black, no one would ever buy those” Johnny bites back just to annoy his friend. “Though girls will buy it because it’s from you-“

“Stop it with your nonsense John”

“Or! You can sell some of your nudes, I already know a lot of buyers” Johnny added with an annoying smile.

“Or you two can just fuck each other because you’re the hottest guys on campus but your asses are broke” you tease them further but you have no idea that you just gave out the solution to all your problems. “What?” you asked them as they both smile at you, shy for no reason, and eyeing each other like they’re having a secret conversation using their eyes.

Johnny clears his throat before he starts, “You just suggested to make porn… and porn is good money. A few students do it these days” he clears his throat again before he continues, “We know because we watch porn-“

“Okay, I don’t need to know that part. What are you saying? Are you suggesting we make porn?” you said, eyes big as you look at them.

“You suggested it. Not us. But yeah. It’s good money Y/n” Johnny once again explained.

“Well, okay. I’ll hold the camera while you two fuck. How do we do this?” you avoid their eyes as your body heats the more you talk.

“Nuh-uh, I’m not fucking Johnny” Jaehyun announces.

“Nope. Me too I’m not fucking Jaehyun, you choose Y/n. No hard feelings, but consider the size” he winks but you know that he’s just joking.

Good thing the awkward conversation was cut when your alarm went off and you have to go to your next class. You gather your stuff and told them to think of better ways to earn money because there’s no way you’re having sex with any of them. Especially not with Jaehyun.

The idea of making money through porn crosses your mind every five minutes and you can’t concentrate with your class. Plus, your landlord kept on sending messages reminding you that in three days, you’re going to be two months late with the rent. But still, whenever you imagine having sex with any of them, it gives you great goosebumps and you can’t handle the awkwardness anymore.

After your class, you were spacing out and still weighing things over regarding the porn making, and unexpectedly, one of your friends brought up ‘amateur porn’ and you’ve never been so nervous in your life. She was talking about how she and her boyfriend went live for a good twenty minutes and they made loads of cash, “and guess what, it’s all for fun! We were really just fooling around but apparently, people do love those kinds of stuff and they pay good money”

Your mouth almost fell when she mentioned the cash they earned for only twenty minutes. And in that twenty minutes, you can cover one month's rent pay already. You just have to cum in front of thousands of people. So with a mind blinded by the possibility of earning too much cash, you said yes to the idea of making porn. The only question is, with whom?

Johnny and Jaehyun stood in front of you as they wait for your answer after telling them what your friend told you about making porn. Of course you picked Jaehyun. Not because you miss him, and not because you have history, but because you don’t want to be awkward with Johnny. While Jaehyun on the other hand is feeling proud and hopeful behind that poker face of his, he thought that you chose him because you already know what’s in store for you if you fuck with him again and of course he thought that maybe you miss him.

“Johnny doesn’t really need to hold the camera for us right? We can just place it, and secure it somewhere” you added and watch Jaehyun agree without looking at you.

“You two have the place tomorrow night then. M-make sure you raise the quota and cover three months of payment... for safety” Johnny says to Jaehyun and you with a smile that says, ‘thank goodness I didn’t have to watch you both fuck’.

Before you sleep tonight, unexpectedly Jaehyun paid you a visit. And there’s that nervous feeling again, you feel like you’re back in your freshman days when you don’t know what to do whenever you see Jaehyun and you just have to pretend that nothing is bothering you.

Breathing in and out, you opened the door quickly and went back to your bed and under the covers to cover your exposed legs. Little did you know that Jaehyun already saw that you’re not wearing anything besides your lacy panties and an oversized shirt.

“Your ears are red,” you teased him.

“Well next time you should wear pajamas instead of your underwear to sleep” he winked and placed the mask that you’re going to be using tomorrow and sat on the edge of your bed.

“What are you? A stranger? You’re so far, come here” you invited him under your sheets and lie in bed face to face like nothings bothering you two. You put your hand above his head and feel his soft locks, careful not to grip so hard and hurt the man you used to have feelings for.

This is why Jaehyun can’t move on from you. You always make him feel like he’s your favorite person in the world.

“Are you going to leave me hanging again after we have sex tomorrow?” You confronted him.

“That’s impossible now, we live together” he giggles and catches your hand so he could hold it.

“Just promise me after the sex tomorrow we’ll still be friends” you felt his grip loosen up like he became hopeless like he didn’t like what you just said.

“I was actually going to say that I want us to try again. Get things right this time”

And in that very moment, your world stopped and your body feels hot, suddenly you’re sweating and your heart is beating faster. To be honest you don’t know what to say.

Then,

“Kidding. I’m kidding. Just making you laugh before you sleep, and y-yeah. I promise nothing will change between us, cross my heart” he got up from your bed, turned off the lights and turned on your lampshade. “Sleep well okay?”

And just like that, he left again. You don’t know if you were relieved that it was only a joke or your heart broke because deep inside, you’re waiting for him to tell you that ever since Freshman year. Nonetheless, you do what you do best. Sleep it off and pretend nothing happened.

On the next day, you were at the kitchen preparing breakfast and spacing out while you flip pancakes. Most of them got burnt and you blame Jaehyun for that.

“I told you to sleep, didn’t I?”

There he goes again, startling you and flashing a very handsome smile at you like you’re not about to do something stupid later. “Johnny went to work early and took an overtime tonight just so you won’t get shy” he hands you a glass of water, figured you might need one because you looked so tensed.

“We can always text him when we're done” you added, he nods. And there’s the awkward silence again.

You finish your breakfast in one go, not even looking at Jaehyun. Usually, during breakfast, you talk mostly about your plans within the day but given the situation right now, obviously, you don’t want to know his plans because that includes you. Good thing the day went on normally. You cleaned the living room, he cleaned the kitchen, you cleaned your room, he cleaned his. You saw him changing his bedsheets and you think that’s a sweet gesture, you wanted to tease him but that won’t help you with your nervousness so you just smiled at him when he caught you looking.

When it’s finally afternoon and you’re going to fuck live in a few minutes, you were surprised at what he did to his room just so you won’t get nervous anymore. The golden ray of afternoon light was perfect and helped you calm in no time, Jaehyun lit some scented candles and lowered the thermostat of his air conditioning so you won’t get cold.

“Thought I should make this special- not that I’m saying our first wasn’t “ he rambles and scratches his head, ears turning red and now you can see that he’s nervous too. “But come on, I want to do right for you” he caresses your shoulders and nods his head as a signal that you two needed to start.

The mood was nothing like your first, there was no sexual tension or any sign of desire to fuck each other. In other words, he looked like he’s just doing this for the dorm rent and you are too. That’s why maybe stripping in front of Jaehyun while your back is against him was easier than you thought. But you didn’t know that the man was craving for you. He wanted to be the one removing your clothes while his lips roam on your neck, make you feel good and wanted just before the live starts. He wanted to do that.

“Remember your promise okay?” You put on your mask and Jaehyun did too. He was still fully clothed and while you’re lying in his bed comfortably, watching him strip in front of you but not for you. The camera is right above your head so the viewers can imagine that they are the ones having sex with Jaehyun. If that won't give you a lot of money then you don’t know what will.

Jaehyun was a natural, you wanted to tell him that he does look like a pornstar but you’re not allowed to talk. When he finally crawled on the bed, straight between your legs and spread them according to his want, a shiver went straight to your spine and immediately made you wet. He shamelessly kissed your inner thighs first and went all the way up until he reaches your lips.

Finally. You both thought.

But his kisses were different and you wonder why. You feel like you’re not kissing Jaehyun because you know how his kiss can affect you, although his touch was still the same. He can still make you jolt and part your lips with just using his fingers and a few teasing here and there. And when he finally put his cock inside you, that’s the part where you finally believe that Jaehyun is indeed the one in bed with you right now. You will never forget how that cock feels inside you, “I miss you” he whispered very softly, hoping that the viewers did not hear it.

Time flies so fast that the live will end in ten minutes now and Jaehyun has been fucking you deep and slow like he’s savoring the feeling again. When you heard him grunt and moan, that made your toes curl and clench accidentally around him. Making him groan a little louder and fuck you a bit faster. You moaned so loud just so he knows you’re very much close to your high, and in just a few minutes you both cum together and the next thing you know he’s pulling out and letting his cum land on top of your pussy lips for the viewer’s pleasure.

Fuck you wish he didn’t pull out.

He grabbed his phone from above you and turned the damn timer off because you may not know, but the timer was screaming at him that his time with you is over. You removed your mask and he removed his too. And there you saw tears in his eyes, or maybe those are sweat? Nonetheless, you asked him what’s wrong and made him look at you. But instead of answering your question, he kissed you. Hands on both sides and cupping your face as he kisses you deeper.

And there’s that kiss you’ve been waiting for. The kiss that you’ve been wanting to experience again for years and years. You shouldn’t be happy, but you’re actually genuinely happy that your rent pay is late and you get to do this again with Jaehyun.

“I missed you too” finally you said it.

He smiled so sweetly to you and went back to the kiss, spreading your legs again, checking your slit if you’re still wet. And without further ado, he thrust in. Slowly again, but this time he’s proving a point. Like he’s telling you something. And now that you can see his face, you can’t help but feel excited and the butterflies in your stomach are very much excited too that you were smiling in between kisses.

“Ride me” he says, and effortlessly he trades places with you. Holding you on your back, lips still locked like you’re not planning to stop any time soon. And for your own pleasure, you guided his hands and made him knead your boobs. He did more than kneading, Jaehyun sucked your nipples and pinched them to hear you moan.

“A lot has changed Jae” you said, pushing him down to the mattress and intertwined your fingers with his, kissed them and placed them on your hips. You started rolling your hips without a warning, making the man underneath you close his eyes and part his lips. There are many things you wanted to do with him now that you had the privilege to ride him, but you decided to go hard because this might be the last time you’re going to fuck Jaehyun again.

You ride him like you didn’t have sex for years. Skin slapping from rolling your hips faster than he expected, letting your boobs bounce in front of him and letting him touch them whenever he wants to. “It’s hard to pull out when you’re on top, want to switch places?” He was struggling to talk, obviously he’s trying so hard not to cum yet but you’re good at what you’re doing.

“Not tonight” and that promise just made Jaehyun moan deliciously like he’s excited to cum now just so he can experience cumming inside you.

“Y-yeah. That’s right Y/n fuck me. Oh you fuck me so good! Shit- why did I ever let you go. Fuck”

The thing is, you love seeing him all fucked up and love hearing him praise the way you fuck him... but he chose the wrong words. And those words went straight to your heart. The words ‘Why did I ever let you go?’ repeated over and over again while you ride so fast that you’re overstimulating him already. He was begging for you to stop but it was too late when you heard him.

When you finally stopped, you see his cum dripping from your pussy even though you’re not yet removing his cock from you. You catch your breath for a second and came closer to Jaehyun. Good thing he has enough strength to hug you and roll you to the mattress so he could have the honor to pull his cock out.

“You’re right a lot has changed,” he says because his silly crush on you grew and grew and now he’s completely in love with you. “Let’s not shower together, I’m afraid I’ll lure you to have shower sex with me”

“And what’s so wrong about that” you bite back.

“Oh so you’re confident now huh,” he kissed you once again, and shit you never want him to leave your lips.

But every good thing comes to an end. You went back to your room and showered separately, as planned and when you went to the living room, he was all cleaned up and looking so fresh. He was wearing his glasses, hair almost covering his eyes, he looked cozy in his oversized shirt and his favorite plaid pajamas. “Come here,” He pats the seat next to him, signaling you to come watch Netflix with him. Surprisingly, his arms wrapped around you and kept you close to him, subtly smelling your shampoo. He giggled at the thought of imagining you taking a shower while smiling because the sex was fucking awesome.

He played a movie and watched it with you just so he can still keep you close to him. Not even halfway through the movie, he caught you sleeping soundly on his lap and slowly covered your exposed legs with the blanket on the couch. He pats and pats your head until his attention was no longer in the movie that he’s watching but his mind lingers to what happened earlier and eventually fell asleep beside you too.

It was very late when Johnny went home and caught you two all snuggled up on the couch, snoring and slept through to what you were watching. He had a hunch that you two had a great time, smiled and turned off the TV, and wished you both a good night's sleep.

“I have bad news” Johnny announces as you and Jaehyun wake up together on the couch, all smiles and in an incredibly good mood but Johnny was quick to ruin that. “The money you earned from yesterday’s live was not enough”

You don’t know why Jaehyun was still smiling at you even though what Johnny just told you completely ruined your day already. “That’s not bad news, right?” He whispers to you and gave you a look. “I’m okay with doing it again until we cover everything” Jaehyun says to Johnny while you three sit in front of each other, drinking your coffees.

“I’ll work double shifts at the radio station- are you fine with doing it again Y/n?” Johnny asks, and for a second there you feel like you’re in the hot seat.

“Y-yeah. I’m okay with it” you scratch your nape and awkwardly sip your coffee, “it’s easy money, I think if we do more lives we can cover three months pay”

“More lives it is. Don’t worry John, I’ll take other slots at the radio station too for groceries and stuff” Jaehyun added.

The live fucking continues and so is fooling around with Jaehyun, having better sex every after going live and whenever Johnny is not around. It’s like playing with fire, but you don’t exactly know if what you’re doing is wrong or right because you’re both single, so why are you guys hiding? You don’t get it, but you just go with the flow, enjoy what’s happening and hope for the best.

Every sex you have grown more and more intense to the point that your beds are moving and that gives you better reviews in live fucking. Not to mention the money is better now and you’re saving up faster than expected. But whenever the camera is off and you’re having sex without an audience, you guys fuck like you’re together and you love each other.

Sweet love bites here and there, sincere praises and longer kisses. For Jaehyun he feels like he’s having a dream because he gets to do the things he wanted to do with you. Remove your clothes while kissing you, whisper the things he has been holding back to say for years, and make you feel loved and important.

And just like the sex, your cuddling session became even warmer and sweeter. Cuddling after you take a shower has always been your thing, he visits you in your room with damped hair and you help him dry his hair, Netflix and chill, or order in and have a great meal together.

Days went by and you’re getting used to this sweet Jaehyun and you well know that’s dangerous. But you love every dangerous thing about Jaehyun. The following days grew extremely sweet and intimate. You sleep in his room every night and basically do everything together from now on. The only time you two were apart is during class hours but after that, Jaehyun is right outside your classroom waiting for you.

“What are you doing?” you giggle and try to finish the book you’re reading in bed when Jaehyun suddenly entered your room, crawled on your bed, and went in between your legs. Removing your glasses for safety, inviting you to fuck while Jaehyun nibs your ear and caress your legs. Oh his kisses always make your head turn and ask for more.

“Johnny is not around and I just took a shower, hmm? What do you say?” He uses that cute tone that can always make you stop what you’re doing and say yes to him. Forget the book, you can finish it later.

Removing your shorts and underwear while he continuously kisses you, smiling and giggling while he whispers ‘you always look pretty’ before he removes your shirt and exposes your boobs to him. You tried getting up and help him remove his clothes, but he stopped you and kissed you down on the mattress. “Nu-uh. Stay there I’ll treat you good tonight” he winked and proceeds to remove his clothes in between your spread legs, your hands roam freely in his well sculpted and fucking beautiful body.

Then he reached for your phone and took a nice picture while you two are kissing. The sound of the camera clicking made your eyes open, “send me this picture later. So I can stop missing you” you smiled and nod, then Jaehyun took one too many pictures so he could focus on you again. When he’s finally contented with all the pictures he got, he finally thrust in deep and slow while his mouth is sucking one of your nipples and he looks incredibly handsome.

This time, it’s you who grabbed your phone and took some pictures of him sucking your boobs and making you feel good, taking some pictures of his cock inside your pussy while he thrusts. Jaehyun had the idea of taking a video while you two fuck but this time, it’s for his and your eyes only. He took the phone from you and recorded how he fucks you good, and did not miss the part where you part your lips and moan.

“Jaehyun I’m almost there” you moan out, fingerings raking his nape or on his beautiful body. He puts the camera on the bedside table with a perfect angle of him fucking you, without masks or any cover. He intertwines his fingers with yours before he fucks you hard and fast. The camera that’s recording everything was completely forgotten and Jaehyun focused on making you feel good, making you cum at least two times using his dick and his fingers.

After your second high you were so exhausted that you were breathing heavily and Jaehyun is helping you to calm down while kissing your boobs and sucking them playfully. Even your cute moments like this was caught on camera and Jaehyun was more than happy about it.

“You okay? Want to cum for the third time?” He reached for your phone, stop the recording and went back in between your legs again and kiss you wherever he wants. You didn’t answer him ‘yes’ because to be completely honest you were still exhausted and he understood you well. For a good quiet minutes he was just staring at you, flashing his dimples, raking his fluffy hair and biting his lips at the same time. The silence felt good and not the usual awkward silence you have.

“The next live that we will be doing is going to be our last. And our dorm rent will be settled in no time” he started.

“And?”

“I’ll miss you”

Ouch. You wish he kept the quietness and peace instead. Just as you thought that life will now let you be with Jaehyun peacefully, here comes the heartbreak again. Truth is Jaehyun is still scared and very much afraid to hurt you that’s why he just wanted to fix himself before he could date you officially. He didn’t want to pursue his feeling with you just because you did porn together and fucked live, no you deserve better than that.

He loves you. So much, but he’s not ready yet.

You wanted to shout at him and asked him what else does he want from you? He is so good at making you feel like you’re always not enough for him and that makes your mind go crazy. He did it again. He left you hanging again when you’ve completely fallen in love with him. Turns out he’s not willing and ready to catch you. But as usual, you do what you do best. Shrugged it off and continue to live like it’s not bothering you.

The live fucking and porn making stopped for a while because you and Jaehyun have final exams. And the awkwardness between you and Jaehyun came back in no time, nonetheless, it was a good week to have a breather and to let yourself think straight. But still, you can’t help but think about everything and miss Jaehyun.

“Are you on your way home?” Johnny asks Jaehyun through the phone.

“Yeah, just buying us dinner”

“Good. Y/n is on her period”

“Am I suppose to be happy because I didn’t get her pregnant?” He chuckled proudly and having no clue what Johnny was saying.

“Take care of her she has period cramps dumb ass!“

“Oh right- right… sorry. Okay, yeah”

When Jaehyun arrived with the stuff that Johnny told him to buy for you and the dinner Jaehyun bought you, you were twisting in hurt inside your room grunting and very vocal about the pain while you hug the hot compress Johnny left you when Jaehyun entered your room.

“Ah- fuck it hurts” you groan and curl yourself, pressing that hot compress more on your lower abdomen and endure your period cramps. Jaehyun is just so sweet to stay beside you and rub your back while he watches you suffer.

“I want to help. Do you need anything other than that hot compress?” He was concerned and willing to make you feel better.

“Nothing I’m fine. You’re so sweet” you said in a little irritated tone but you’re not actually irritated with him. He scrolls through his phone with one hand, while the other is rubbing and caressing your back to give you comfort.

“Google says sex is good when-“

“I’m not having period sex with you, Jaehyun” but you do want him to touch you. Stupid hormones. Stupid period. It just makes you crave for him even more, desperate for even a kiss, or even just with his body closer to you.

“Are you horny?” He asks without shame, smiling at you and hoping that you say yes.

“I am” you admitted

“Just say yes, I got you” he was like seducing you, luring you to sin with him tonight while you bleed. And you like it.

“Okay” you answered softly. Shy but he knew you’re not that type anymore.

Jaehyun scoop over and went under the covers with you. Giving you that warmth that you need, making your body warm and comfortable, and basically giving everything you want. He intertwines his fingers with you, kissed your knuckles, and then your lips. Softly. Slowly. It’s every girl’s dream kiss. And just like his kiss, his hand creeps under the covers, all the way down until he reaches your thighs and spread one leg to gain access to your hole.

“W-wait. Let me just remove the tampon” shyly you inform him and discarded it quickly under the covers and throw it into the trash bin. Going back to the comfort that Jaeyun is giving you, his hand went back in between your legs and tease your clothed slit the moment you’re back under the covers. Smiling so handsomely and innocently while he lies beside you like he’s not doing something lustful under the covers.

“Do you think this will work-“ and just before you finish your question, Jaehyun ran a finger on your very wet slit which turned him on immediately. He flicked his finger, drawing small circles in your nub and listening to you moan while your grip on the sheets tightens and try your best not to close your legs.

“Do you like this?” his lips were very close to your neck and the way he talks to you was so sultry that even his words can make you moan.

“Mhmm. F-fuck Jae, my clit is sensitive” but your legs say others wise because you spread them even more under the covers and your hips voluntarily move to meet his fingers. When he felt your legs shake and hear your moans become higher than usual, he figured you were close, went on top of you and started to hump your thigh while his hand is inside your now ruined panties reaching deep in your hole making you feel good and over sensitive. Jaehyun grunted so loud and moaned deliciously beside your ear, moving his hips like how he fucks you and you feel his hard cock poke your thigh from the inside of his pants. Soon, Jaehyun came inside his pants and did not care about being embarrassed.

While you were coming down from your high, the man on top of you kept kissing you like you’re all that matters to him. Even though you well know that you’re just fooling yourself.

The night ended with Jaehyun sleeping beside you and further taking care of you after you both cleanup. But you woke up the next day without him beside you and thankfully, Johnny came out of nowhere to rescue you from your ugly thoughts. He came into your room with a cup of coffee and some bread for you, smiling like he has no problems in life and to be honest, you love how he’s always like this.

Since both of you don’t have classes today, you went to the groceries with Johnny and had a nice dinner at a fast food he loves. It felt great. It felt great to be with a guy who’s not Jaehyun. The man always keeps you on your toes and you feel like your head is always in the clouds whenever you’re with him but Johnny, he keeps you grounded.

“Shoot. The landlord is really testing me- he wants the money tonight or else they have to kick us out tomorrow. Fuck!” He says typing aggressively on his phone, telling Jaehyun immediately.

“Were not due until next week why are they doing this to us. We have no choice but to go live then” you said calmly, unbothered as much as possible because you just want this to be over now and move on from Jaehyun.

“You can't. You have your period and Jaehyun is not available- fuck why is he not picking up”

“There are other ways to make a guy cum Johnny. I’m sure you know that” you chuckle and shook your head in disbelief.

“Still, Jaehyun is not answering” he gave up and put down his phone.

“Well you’re available. I just want this to be over Johnny” clearly he didn’t expect you to suggest such a thing. You continue to eat your food in silence and so is the man in front of you. Obviously, he was bothered with what you suggested but it appears that he has no choice. You watch him fidget on his phone, maybe he’s not yet done contacting Jaehyun and still hoping that his friend will end up last minute but...

“Okay” he let a sigh of relief, “I texted Jaehyun that well do it but we're not going to uhm- uh, fuck. Blow job then? No more, no less? A bit of kissing maybe. Tell me what do you want? I’ll be able to do this comfortably if I know that you like what I’m doing to you”

“Hmm. Okay, let’s start by... be gentle with me. You’re a big guy and you know... what I mean”

“I may be big physically but I’m warm on the inside, being gentle is not a problem” he smiles and pour you a glass of water before he asks for the bill. “What else?” he added.

“Touch me, don’t hesitate. If you feel like my jaw needs rest then you can tell me to stop” he nods and told you he will surely not forget about that.

The conversation went on until you reached home and get ready for the live. Unlike Jaehyun who made you feel so nervous the day you had your first live with him, Johnny makes you feel calm and comfortable the whole time.

Now that you’re in front of Johnny, half naked with only your panties and your mask on, everything happened perfectly. It wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t awkward too, and quite frankly you had fun with Johnny. Even though the audience noticed that you’re not with Jaehyun right now, they can’t help but love Johnny’s hot body too and the way he fuck your face gently in front of the camera. Hands cupping both sides of your face as he thrust his long, hard and veiny cock in your mouth. Smiling through the pleasure whenever you purposely swirl your tongue and bob your head aggressively.

After the cum-filled and messy live with Johnny, you wired the money to your landlord immediately and secure the rent for good until the three of you graduates. Now you and Johnny can breathe normally after cleaning up and enjoy the warmth of your bed. “Do you like Jaehyun?” He blurted out, trying not to look at your exposed boobs but you roll your body and face the ceiling and so his efforts went to waste.

“Yeah but I don’t think he likes me enough. Y-you know what I mean” he shook his head to tell you he has no idea about Jaehyun’s intentions with you.

“Just have patience with him if you like him, after all, you’re the only girl that can do this to him”

“Do what?” you ask with eagerness.

“Did you really think that I won't notice you two fucking behind my back?” You laughed at what he said and laughed your shyness away, “but it’s alright. I figured maybe you like each other so I didn’t dare stop you two”

The giggling and laughing with Johnny under the soft light of your lampshade continued until you passed out and Johnny was the one who helped you get dressed. And on the same night, Jaehyun heard and saw you and Johnny laugh over a half closed door. Seeing your bodies close to each other made his blood boil and became jealous in no time. That’s why on the next day, Jaehyun was expressing his anger while you three are gathered in the kitchen. He’s not saying a word, but he kept on closing the cabinets a little too rough while he prepares his meal. Then it hit you, he’s jealous.

You confronted him and went to his room, closed and locked the door so Johnny won't hear the unpleasant conversation you’re about to have with Jaehyun. “Don’t be angry with Johnny, I’m the one who suggested it-“

“Like that’s going to make me feel better Y/n. Get out, you’re wasting your time” he turned his back and proceeds to fix his bed.

“It’s not like we cheated Jae. Were not together” you blurted as calm as possible. Little did you know that you just triggered something in him that makes him want to punch a wall and pour his anger out but he can’t. At least not in front of you. So instead, he shouted at you. So loud that you got scared for a second there.

“You know, I’m always afraid to hurt you but you! You don’t care if you hurt me!”

“Don’t act as if you love me, Jae. You never did. You never even tried!” You shouted back and walked away towards his door, banging it and walked straight to your room with tears in your eyes.

The fight was short but unforgettable.

Later that day, Jaehyun got worried when you didn’t eat lunch and dinner and your door was still locked and he can hear you crying from the other side. He kept on knocking at your door until you got annoyed and unlocked it but you covered yourself with your thick sheets.

“Come on why are you crying? Don’t cry over a stupid guy like me you don’t deserve it. I’m sorry” you feel his embrace and rub your back so you know that he’s sincere. And finally, you removed the sheets but still, you don’t want to look him in the eye.

You have a lot of questions for Jaehyun, and you think now is the perfect time to cry it all out and let him know what he’s doing to you. Why he didn’t text you back the night after you fuck for the first time, why he never ask you out when he promised he would, why he’s jealous all of a sudden.

FLASHBACK (In the middle of junior year)

It was very late already and some crazy person is ringing your doorbell nonstop. This couldn’t be Jaehyun or Johnny obviously they don’t need to ring the doorbell because they live here and they know the code. That’s why you were surprised that Jaehyun is the one ringing it and turns out he is batshit drunk and can’t even remember the code. “Where is Johnny when you need him” you murmur, “Jae, help yourself too. I can’t carry you all the way up to the fourth floor,” you said sternly to the handsome guy clinging on to you, breath smells like alcohol, eyes lidded but can still appreciate your beautiful face.

When you finally carried him successfully back to your place, without any hesitation he puked on your sleepwear and smiled so sweetly at you like he did nothing wrong. You wanted to slap him and wake him from his drunken state but Jaehyun was quick with his hands and unbutton your sleepwear and used it to wipe the small amount of puke on the floor.

You cover yourself with your arms and walked straight to your room and get a clean shirt before you take care of Jaehyun. He was murmuring “sorry” as he sees you walk away from him and weakly sit on the floor with dirty clothes and hope that you will come back to him.

When he sees you all dressed up again with a damped cloth on your hand, he smiled and spread his arms like he’s about to give you a hug. “Why are you acting cute- here hold this while I remove your socks” you hand him the damped cloth and proceed to remove his dirty socks and throw it with your dirty sleepwear. He looks at you lovingly as you wipe his face with the utmost care, looking at your lips and thinking about kissing it but no. He may be drunk but he won’t do that to you.

“Go on a date with me,” he says while you continue to wipe his face and help him take off his hoodie. You giggle and boops his nose before you stand and help him to get on his feet, “try asking me again when you’re sober” you opened his room door and told him to don’t forget to change his pants and greet him good night.

But after a few minutes, you’re all tucked in bed and half asleep already when you feel a pair of arms cage you. You can still smell his breath and figured maybe Jaehyun is clingy like this whenever he’s really drunk, which rarely happens.

“It's so sweet, knowing that you love me. Though we don't need to say it to each other, sweet. Knowing that I love you, and running my fingers through your hair. It's so sweet” he sings a few lines from Sweet by Cigarettes After Sex and smells your hair until his breath tickles your nape.

Sweet. He’s not only clingy while he’s drunk, but he’s sweet too. “I think I like you more when you’re rarely this drunk” you turn your body and faced him. Seeing Jaehyun with sleepy eyes, lips curved in a weak smile, but arms conscious enough to keep you near him.

“Then I’ll get drunk every day if that makes you love me”

But on the next day, he just thanked you for taking care of him and forgot about the date. And on the next few days and following weeks, you hear him fuck different girls and have one night stands every now and then.

BACK TO PRESENT TIME SENIOR YEAR

“I keep on hurting you I’m sorry. Don’t cry, please. I hate that I’m hurting you. This is the reason why I can’t pursue my feelings for you. I’m a mess and I’m not ready”

And just as you thought that this day couldn’t get any worse. It just did. You look at Jaehyun as he tells you the truth and admits his true feelings with you. How he fell in love with you but chose not to pursue his feelings because he’s not ready and you deserve better. And from there you stopped listening to him and told him to leave you alone. Jaehyun was speechless and hopeless, he wanted to explain and express his long bottled feelings for you but you don’t want to.

All this time you thought that it’s you who’s lacking that’s why he can’t even try and ask you out. But now that you know the truth and he would rather make you feel small than swallow his pride and try to make things work with you, well you just can’t be around him anymore.

Graduation is approaching near and your dorm has been quiet ever since you finished paying the rent and Jaehyun got mad because of what you and Johnny did. You look at the quiet place while you eat your instant noodle and reminisce the good days you spent with the two giants who made your college years unforgettable and happy. Actually, they even made your life easier.

Days become even more lonely now that Jaehyun and Johnny became busy with their last requirements and you’ve been alone for a few days now. You wake up without the two boys, go to class or run some errands, they go home but you’re not home, and by the time you arrive home they have shifts to the radio station again.

Today is your birthday and you spend it with some of your classmates which are all sweet and you treat them to dinner. Johnny left a bouquet of flowers on your bed before he left for work, together with a sweet happy birthday card. And Jaehyun… well, let’s just say that maybe he forgot about it because being a graduating student makes you busy.

While you were having a nice dream of Jaehyun singing a happy birthday song to you with a small cupcake in his hand, in reality, he woke you up by patting your head and a kiss on your forehead, whispering ‘I’m sorry’ and kissing your face until you’re awake and what’s happening right now is finally registering in your mind. You wrapped your arms around him and decided to forgive him for being stupid and accept his apology. “Is this for me?” you point at the chocolate cake on the bedside drawer a blew the candle, making your room dark and only the soft light from your window lights up your room.

“What did you wish for” he came closer to you and rests his forehead on yours. Oh you missed his presence, but all you feel right now is the heartbreak and remember what happened a few weeks ago.

“You, Jaehyun” you whisper and closed your eyes, not caring if there are tears in your eyes. You’re not afraid to show him that you ache for him.

“I told you, I can’t-“ you didn’t want to hurt yourself further and listen to those hurtful words so you kissed him and pulled him on top of you.

Everything happened so fast and naturally. You removed your shorts, he was quick to spread your legs and free his hardening cock. Not even bothering to reach for a condom, he fucked you in the dark and whispered “I’m sorry” over and over again that it hurts your ear and your heart so you put your thumb in his mouth and let him suck it good while his thrust was slowly picking up the pace and you hear skin slapping surrounds your room

“Jaehyun-“ you moan his name when you felt that familiar feeling of being on edge but you’re not yet ready to let go. You’re not yet ready to let him go. So you tried with all your might to clench and stop yourself from cumming but what you’re doing to Jaehyun just makes him want to fuck you more.

And so he did.

He covered your mouth not because he didn’t want to let Johnny know that you’re fucking but because he never wants to hear your beautiful moans again. He closed his eyes so he could no longer see your face and dream about you underneath him, and with that, he continues to thrust so harshly that it’s hurting you so good and your grip on his shoulders will surely leave a mark.

Soon you failed and cum before Jaehyun could. You exchanged sharp exhales, gasps, and quiet grunts before he lies beside you and kiss you deeply the whole night. One last time.

As expected, you woke up alone in your bed with a sore body. You stretched for a few minutes before you got out of bed and head outside to have breakfast. At first, you thought that you will be alone again today but turns out Johnny is free.

“Belated Happy birthday. Did you like the flowers I got you?” he greets you good morning and gave you a bear hug.

“I did. I put it in a vase, it’s in my room. Thank you” now that Johnny is here and you’re not alone eating breakfast, you can’t help but wish for Jaehyun to be here.

“Jaehyun is uhm… working. I can take you out today, let’s have dinner and celebrate your birthday again. What do you say?” he offers excitedly and even showed you a great restaurant from his phone.

When the evening comes and you and Johnny should be out by now but you were having a hard time to chose what to wear, Jaehyun arrived out of nowhere with a girl on his shoulders. Someone not familiar and they’re holding hands.

“I think your friends are going out on a date aren’t they babe?” the girl asks Jaehyun, like she's tying to get his attention but Jaehyun’s eyes are glued on you. Eyes that are very much sorry because he didn’t mean for you to see his new girlfriend after your birthday. So this is why Johnny was rushing you tonight. He didn’t want you to see Jaehyun with his new girlfriend because he knew it will hurt you greatly.

“Y/n-“ Jaehyun called you but you didn’t bother looking back and told Johnny that you’re ready now… even though your earrings don't match with your dress. If he can try and be in a relationship with someone else then what does that make you? Why can’t he try for you?

The night went on, carrying the lie that you’re okay but to be honest, you don’t want to go back to that fucking dorm. Good thing, Johnny was trying so hard to cheer you up and make you forget about what happened. Which is working and for that you’re thankful.

On the same night, you swore to yourself that you will never let Jaehyun into your life again and make you feel small. You will never throw yourself to him again, or even spare a glance and waste your time with the one and only guy whom you allowed to break your heart over and over again. But not anymore.

Jaehyun was nothing but sweet to you and that’s all he’ll ever be.

Five years later

When you came home from work, you caught your boyfriend cooking dinner with a glass of cold wine beside him. You greet him, “hey” and kissed him on the cheek before you wrap your arms around his strong built body.

“Tired? Hows work? I have big news” he says while stirring something from the pan. You told him he could tell the big news first because he looks excited, and so he did. With big smiles and overflowing excitement, he said that “Jaehyun is going to get married and I’m his best man!” you almost let out a laugh but you stopped yourself.

“Mhmm. Guess who’s taking care of the wedding....” you teased him. But just as you burst your boyfriend’s bubble, his reaction was quite unexpected.

“N-no, don’t tell me it’s you” he suddenly stopped cooking, he wasn’t mad. Just shocked at the moment and because of the big news.

“Johnny- Don’t tell me you’re being jealous right now...” you tease him further, “he’s like a college fling baby, and you’re the real deal!” you kiss him on the lips but he’s still sulking and went back to cooking.

“We both know it’s not just a fling” he whines.

“He’s getting married and we’re literally inseparable. What are you so jealous of? You know I saw Jaehyun looked at his fiancé and guess what,”

“What?” he turns off the stove and prepared two plates for dinner which you helped him do.

“He never looked at me that way, but you did” you see a shy smile on his face now and poke his cheek but he's quick to catch your hand and pull you into a hug. The kind of hug only Johnny can provide.

“Sorry, that was so childish of me”

“It’s okay. Dinner looks good, is this a new recipe?”

Soon after dinner, Johnny expresses his apology in bed in many ways he can, making you feel good and treating you right as always until it became too exhausting because you don’t think you could cum anymore after having your fourth…or fifth? To be honest you’re not sure anymore.

But even though you’re tired and exhausted, you still can’t help but reminisce. Throughout the years of forgetting Jaehyun, Johnny has always been patient with you and waited for you to heal from Jaehyun. Johnny brought you to the movies and went out with you while Jaehyun only promised. It's like Jaehyun kept promising you things but Johnny is the one keeping them.

“I thought you’re exhausted?” He kissed your shoulder to bring you back to Earth when he saw you spacing out. “Stop thinking. I’ll marry you too, you know that right?” oh you know that all too well, so you nod and kissed him. Whispered ‘i love yous’ over and over again, and thanked him for being the one for you. It was never easy for both of you, but still, you yearn for each other. Sometimes, love will point us to the wrong person so we could find the right person to us. Yes, Jaehyun was sweet, but Johnny is not only sweet in fact he showed his love to you since day 1.

#nct-writers #neosmutcollective #neowritingsnet #kwritersworldnet #kpopscape #kdiner #cznnet #nct smut #jaehyun #jung jaehyun #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun angst #jaehyun smut #jaehyun x reader #jung jaehyun x reader #nct jaehyun #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun scenario #jaehyun scenarios

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wobblydev · 4 years ago

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I really want to unionize my work place, but I'm worried that our store will shut down if we succeed. During our training we were shown anti-union propaganda videos to discourage us and many other people who work for the same company have even been shown videos that mention termination if union activities go on. My store specifically is last in our county, even though my department has been making $20,000+ in profit each month. Are situations like these common? (Sorry if I sound all over the place, ask box limits and all that)

Excellent question. It would take an entire two day session in an OT101 to answer you completely but I'll do my best to address your concerns in this limited format.

To start with your last question—yes, anti-union propaganda of the sort you and your coworkers were to exposed to is extremely common, especially in the United States, if that is where you are.

It is illegal to terminate an employee for unionising efforts. All workers have the federally protected right to form a union but that does not and will not stop businesses from practicing illegal firings, intimidation and harassment if they so much as suspect organising efforts on the part of their employees.

Organising is dangerous. Getting fired can be catastrophic but it is not even the worst punishment this system will mete out in defense of the employing class. Workers on strike continue to get injured and killed by strike breakers and scabs. Organisers I personally know have been brutally attacked by police while on the picket line and have the permanent scars to show for it. If a strike is found to be "illegal" for any reason, the state will levy gratuitous fines and potential incarceration for workers it finds "guilty".

And then, to your first point, even if a union campaign is or appears as though it might potentially be successful, the owners can always just cut their losses, pull up stakes, fire the entire staff and start fresh somewhere else.

That all sounds pretty scary, doesn't it? Organising is a fight, plain and simple. The bosses have a playbook that has worked for them for a long time but what they don't want you to know is we have a playbook of our own and it works when we follow it carefully and creatively.

You may have heard the phrase "Agitate, Organise, WIN!" Not to be glib but that's what it can boil down to. When we organise safely, with attention and care, we win. Wins can be small. Wins can be big. When we organise correctly, we win and we win a lot more than you or any worker in this world will ever know.

Wins of the sort I have seen are not publicised. They are considered wounds to the bosses and bosses abhor the appearance of weakness, so most wins are played off as company policy or good management but the organisers know. The workers who won know what went into it behind the scenes.

The potential for loss is no reason not to fight. The stakes we face are all the more reason to organise right and organise right now.

Organising to win is a slow process. There aren't any short cuts. It takes perception, communication, listening, learning, brainstorming, a lot more listening, getting angry, being frustrated, sharing joy and so much courage in the face of bad odds.

Organising can also be the most rewarding thing you'll ever do.

Anyone can organise. You can start today if you want to badly enough. I can't promise you'll win. I can promise support and solidarity every step of the way.

#iww #union #join a union #solidarity forever #organise #we can win #aeiou #build worker power

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mysteryshoptls · 3 years ago

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SSR Silver Halloween Personal Story: Part 2

"I should enjoy this to my heart's content"

(Part 1) Part 2 (Part 3)

[The Other Dimension – Sparkling Chamber]

Jamil: He seemed to be so calm while we were exploring the ghost world… was he thinking about that the whole time on the inside?

Silver: …While we were traveling, I was desperate to find Lilia-senpai and Malleus-sama.

Silver: That is why I hadn't the need to think of anything else. However, as soon as I relaxed myself…

Silver: I remembered the moment that Lilia-senpai and Malleus-sama stood before us as the "enemy."

Silver: Being unable to meet each other again due to going separate ways from each other, or life coming to an end… I had believed that to be "farewell."

Silver: But it is not just that. Fighting against the two of them… I acknowledge that such a form of parting is also possible.

Silver: If Lilia-senpai and Malleus-sama used all of their strength, there would be no way we could win. But even so, the reason why I unsheathed my sword was…

Silver: Because I had believed that the two of them were being manipulated by someone. My sense of duty to bring them back to their old selves was my sole drive.

Silver: However, if Lilia-senpai and Malleus-sama were to choose to be our enemies of their own volition…

Silver: Would I be able to fight them? Would I be able to point my sword at the two of them…?

Jamil/Cater: …

Silver: Ah, my apologies. That is not a topic of conversation suitable for an environment such as this where everyone should be enjoying themselves.

Jamil: No… This was my first time seeing you be so fearful, so I was a little bit surprised.

Cater: Me too～ Silver-kun always has a cool image, so this feels like such a huge difference from usual.

Silver: I am also at a loss at my own feelings. This is the first time I have felt so uneasy.

Silver: Even though this is a party that Lilia-senpai and Malleus-sama threw for everyone… I do not believe I will be able to dance today.

Silver: Cater-senpai and Jamil. Please don't worry about me and enjoy your Halloween.

Cater: Hrrrrm… As someone on the Halloween committee, I can't really bring myself to leave a sad-faced kid all by himself…

Cater: Besides, I've just been walking around non-stop dancing and taking pictures and videos, so I want to take a little break.

Cater: Hey, I have a great idea, if it's all right with you, we'll stick around and chat with you.

Cater: Sometimes just talking it out is good for those gloomy feelings.

Jamil: We, as in…. Me too!? Please don't pull me into this unprompted.

Cater: Eeeh～ c'mon. Aren't you interested in the internal affairs of the closed-off and mysterious Diasomnia dorm?

Cater: We might be able to get the inside school on that Malleus Draconia too ♪

Jamil: I don't really care about that sort of thing but… Well, all I was doing was grabbing Kalim's food anyway.

Jamil: …If talking will make you feel better, I'll listen to you too, Silver.

Silver: You guys…

Silver: Thank you. But even so, I'm not sure where to start…

Cater: Hmm… Ah, it seems like you're pretty close like family to Lilia-chan, but when did you guys meet?

Silver: Lilia-senpai and Malleus senpai have taken care of me for longer than I can remember.

Silver: I guess I've known Sebek for about 10 years now…

Silver: Sebek's grandfather and my father are old friends, and one day Father brought him to our home as a junior disciple.

Cater: Wow, so you've been with him for over 10 years, huh～

Cater: Cay-kun really can't relate to those kinds of stories with childhood friendships and familial relationships～

Jamil: I'm rather envious at how carefree he is. It would be better to not feel so tied down to one's hometown.

Silver: Children around the same age as me were rare in the Valley of Thorns, but

Silver: Lilia-senpai was always there for me, so I was never lonely.

Silver: Training with Sebek was always fun, and sometimes Malleus-sama would come and visit us in secret…

Silver: Somewhere in my heart, I had decided that that peaceful time would continue on forever.

Silver: …I had never even given it a thought that I could experience a parting.

Jamil: Well, you wouldn't have had any time to prepare yourself for this one, at least.

Cater: …Silver-kun, Jamil-kun. Most of the time, you won't be able to prepare yourself beforehand.

Jamil/Silver: Eh?

Cater: Farewell is something that usually comes without warning.

(Part 1) Part 2 (Part 3)

#twisted wonderland #twst #cater diamond #jamil viper #twst silver #twst cater #twst jamil #twst translation #twst halloween event #endless halloween night #mention: kalim #mention: sebek #mention: malleus #mention: lilia

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bengiyo · 1 year ago

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I'm genuinely not certain what I want to focus on or convey here in this response, but I want to try to elaborate on the way ITSAY evokes nostalgia in the viewer, the internal nature of the story, and the long arc of queer cinema.

One of the big things about ITSAY for me is that neither Teh nor Oh wants to stay in Phuket. I think a lot of us when we’re in our upper teens think a lot about going somewhere else, and yet so many of us once we leave yearn to go back home. In terms of queer cinema, this took me back to Get Real (1998) and The Way He Looks (2014). In The Way He Looks, Leo wants to leave home because he wants to experience more of the world and not stay in his hometown around his protective mother just because he’s blind. In particular, I think about the jacket-smelling scene.

The visceral nature of the locations in Phuket captured in the review Is one of the primary draws I think. The coloring of the frame presents it in this warm light that lets you know these boys are loved here. Whatever they’re feeling and struggling with, the problems aren’t inherently from the setting. For me this hearkened back to Big Eden (2000), where all of their problems are coming from within them.

Teh and Oh have always loved each other, and all of their problems come from Teh’s jealousy and self-worth issues. When I think about how much Teh is certain that his mom won’t understand, I am brought back to The Wedding Banquet (1995) and how the Dad clearly knew who David was and acknowledged him.

In so much of ITSAY I can feel Wong Kar-Wai’s influence. Obviously all of these filmmakers watched Happy Together (1997), and the same loneliness found in it and In the Mood for Love (2000) hangs over Teh.

The folks making BL are all adult professionals. They might respond to each other’s work, but the works that inspired them as filmmakers are older than anything they’ve created. Only Gemini and Fourth are young enough for something like Love Sick the series (2014) to have been part of their formative works.

What I’m struggling to detail is that the reason so many queer people who love gay film inevitably become world media cinephiles is because they can’t find what they’re looking for in their own languages and their own cultures. What is universal for so many of us is that we feel so different from the people in the places we grow up in, and there’s maybe one person we really vibe with growing up. That can be so much for anyone.

So much of ITSAY goes back to Love of Siam (2007) for me. I don’t like spoiling this film for people, but the film is heading towards this big romantic crescendo, and then it just…crashes. It ends on such an infuriating note. It is so unfulfilling. There is no real catharsis. It hurts. It still aches. Boss definitely grew up on this film, just like New Siwaj did. He has Earth K. capture exactly how upsetting that was in My Only 12% (2022) when he questions why if there's nothing wrong with being gay we have to feel so much pain.

It also captures this sense of intense loss I felt for brothers as I think of Hoon from the Thai film How to Win at Checkers (Every Time) (2015)...

...or the American film White Frog (2012).

The final moments on the cape at the end of episode 5 are as transcendent for me as the ENTIRE THIRD ACT OF MOONLIGHT (2016). So often queer cinema ends where ITSAY and Moonlight Act 2 end. The boys go off to college or die and that’s it. Moonlight Act 3 gave us the fallout of the crisis of their youth, and it’s why the choice to be together at the end of ITSAY and THE ENTIRETY OF I PROMISED YOU THE MOON is such a big deal in the arc of BL.

There’s a reason there is a pre- and post-ITSAY discussion in this genre. This was THE Moment™ that everything changed. Korea and Japan felt like they started caring about BL in a meaningful way again because of this. This is a really special show, and it exists because the fans like the BKPP chemistry so much in My Ambulance that they demanded they revive a dead character to make this happen.

That’s absolutely incredible. Billkin and PP are so good together that we literally undid a Bury the Gays incident to make sure we got one of the most important queer works of the last decade. I love ITSAY with my whole heart.

Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: I Told Sunset About You (ITSAY) Edition

[What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr last year and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings – and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the amazing current works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about that history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs directly or indirectly related to GMMTV and what that channel is producing now. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far. Today, in a long post, I work my way through Nadao Bangkok’s cinematic motherlode: ITSAY. Thanks to everyone for your patience with this post: I did major due diligence with it, with the absolutely TREMENDOUS help of @telomeke, @lurkingshan, @wen-kexing-apologist, and @bengiyo to ensure I had facts and analysis correct. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to these dear friends for holding me down and offering your sharp eyes.]

To dive into a topic as complicated, as beautiful, as reflective, as impactful as a macro-analysis of I Told Sunset About You is to take on…a lot. As I’ve discussed with @lurkingshan, from a filmmaking perspective, as so many of us who have watched ITSAY know – it occupies the top spot of Thai BLs by way of pure cinematic quality. (If you follow my late-night liveblogs, you’ll know that this was the first show – not even Bad Buddy did this to me – where I needed to stop multitasking, to just sit and watch the episodes. No drama has done that for me in the years since I became a multitasking mom.)

As with 2gether and Still 2gether last week, this watch of ITSAY is a definite milestone on the OGMMTVC list, and I really thank @shortpplfedup, @bengiyo, @wen-kexing-apologist, @lurkingshan, @telomeke, and others in advance for what we’ve talked about in direct conversation regarding ITSAY, its many influential tentacles, and the influences that the show itself may have come from.

I’d like to touch upon a couple of frames to structure this piece, but the caveat here is that by no way will I consider myself an ITSAY expert, because there’s a tremendous fandom that knows much more about the Nadao Bangkok studio, about PP Krit and Billkin Putthipong, about the director and screenwriter, Boss Naruebet, and much more. I will have a substantial postscript to capture loose notes and learnings that didn’t make it into the main analysis.

Inspired in part by direct conversations with @telomeke and @lurkingshan, I’d like to dive into the following:

1) From a question that @lurkingshan posed to me: what shows from the start of the OGMMTVC watchlist – and, more broadly, what art out there – do I think spoke to ITSAY and its development, 2) The important story of Chinese migration to locations like Phuket, Penang (in Malaysia), and other locations on the Malay Peninsula, and how Chinese and Thai-Malay-Chinese-Peranakan cultures flavored ITSAY’s storytelling, 3) A discussion of internal and external homophobia on Teh’s experience, and how his conversation with Hoon encapsulated our understanding of homophobia, filial piety, and socioeconomic pressures in Teh’s particular life, timeline, and culture,

and more, I’m sure. Let’s boogie.

I warned some folks prior to this review that my thoughts on what may have spoken to ITSAY may turn some people off, so I offer this as a flare to y’all in advance. Acknowledging that episodes three and four of ITSAY were as emotional as anything I had ever seen in Asian BLs, Teh was just such a PERFECTLY written character. (The ITSAY supporting documentary episodes state that the show was in part inspired by Billkin’s and PP’s personal lives, and I know there’s fanon that the show was meant to deeply depict their personal stories with each other. I don’t have primary source material to point to regarding this, so I’ll leave it alone, with the understanding that there are interpretations of the show that read between the lines to bring that lens in. I acknowledge the existence of the theories, but will not dive into that here.)

So, in regards to Teh, as I chatted with @lurkingshan as I was watching the series, I just kept thinking to myself… hello, Fuse.

CHAOS BOYS! (Fire Boys? No, no, chaos boys, ha.)

This is where I think my analytical read might get a little controversial with folks, because to compare Make It Right to ITSAY – from a LOOKS perspective, CERTAINLY from a storyline and narrative structure perspective – no, it’s not there, not by a long shot.

But when I wonder about what ENERGIES and inspirations opened the door for Boss Narubet to WRITE the way that he wrote, and to DIRECT the way that he directed, Teh’s ENTIRE EMOTIONAL PROCESS AND BREAKDOWNS, his back-and-forth, his hesitations – I saw chaos, and when I think of chaos, I think of Fuse.

I think of Fuse, and how Fuse was held back, particularly in Make It Right 2, regarding Fuse’s CULTURAL AND SOCIAL ASSUMPTION that he couldn’t break up with his girlfriend, all while being in a nascent give-and-take, back-and-forth relationship with Tee. And how that ASSUMPTION held BACK the full expression of commitment, honesty, and trust that Fuse and Tee ended up having at the end of MIR2. Fuse was being rather unsophisticated while he was struggling with this, and he was bringing Tee along, frustratingly, for that ride.

Something that you said to me also really resonated, @bengiyo, in conversation with @lurkingshan, about comparing TeeFuse and TehOh, in that Fuse and Teh weren’t necessarily SPARKLING or GIFTED presences. As you two both pointed out to me: Teh had to work much, much harder than Oh-aew for the talents that Teh achieved, and somehow, chaotically, he managed to lose his grip on those talents and achievements as he gave up his hard-earned opportunities for the sake of the overall-better-off Oh-aew. MESSY, BRO.

Besides MIR/MIR2, there’s somewhere else where I saw chaos. @bengiyo, you pointed out to me that you felt that you saw more of Thai queer cinema in ITSAY than in BL. I don’t think ITSAY *doesn’t* speak to BL and vice versa (I don’t think there’s anyone who thinks that, considering what Nadao Bangkok achieved with this show), but when I think of chaos – and of the structures of storytelling that allowed us to get such an in-depth experience of Teh – I also think of 2019′s Dew the Movie, and to a different extent, the before-its-time show in 2019′s He’s Coming To Me.

ITSAY, Dew, and HCTM have:

a) multiple chaotic leads (including actual ghosts and dudes who see ghosts), b) overarching cultural backgrounds rooted in extremely specific Asian cultures and/or practices and/or time periods, and c) interplays of emotional revelations vis à vis those specific cultural backgrounds.

- Fuse introduced to us, way back in 2016 and 2017, an internal holding back of an emotional engagement with Tee that was rooted in internal homophobia by way of his negotiation with what Fuse’s girlfriend expected of him, and what HE expected of HIMSELF regarding HAVING a girlfriend, while falling in love with a young man.

- Dew featured two young men in chaos, in 1990s rural Thailand, one of whom (Dew) who had previously lived in a different city where, likely, his sexual orientation would not have been met with such dystopic scrutiny as it did in the movie. The movie made clear that Dew wanted a solid relationship with Phop, but with both Dew’s and Phop’s families and cultural expectations holding them back, they both met untimely and unfortunate ends that hammered, in extremes, the perils, in cinema, of being gay and out in an incredibly restrictive and old-fashioned Asian society.

- HCTM featured a young man (Thun) who could see ghosts, along with the ghost that he ends up falling in love with (Med). The revelation of Thun’s being able to see Med is deeply connected to Thun’s Thai-Chinese Buddhist practices, and how his family has engaged with spirituality over the course of his life. While the structure of the show has often been described as having a happy ending, I argue the opposite – that the ending is left open-ended, as it so often is in some of P’Aof Noppharnach’s shows, with the assumed understanding on behalf of an Asian audience that Med will one day be reborn and will leave Thun’s side (unless he’s reborn into another person that knows Thun) (hello, Until We Meet Again).

So what do all of these shows/movies – ITSAY, Make It Right/MIR2, Dew, and HCTM – have in common?

ITSAY, Dew, and HCTM have the common background of an old-fashioned culture serving as a MAJOR anchor to their stories. Their stories are leveraged by the micro-level, individual-level interplay between their main characters and old-fashioned worlds, complete with old-fashioned notions, assumptions, and expectations. ITSAY, Dew, and HCTM negotiate boundaries with these cultural guardrails, and we see – Teh at the end of episode 4, Thun on the rooftop in episode 5, Dew talking to his mother – what those expectations and boundaries have done internally to our dear young men.

Make It Right’s Fuse, way back in 2016, internalized this slightly differently, without us seeing as deeply the WORLD in which he grew up. The directors and screenwriters New Siwaj and Cheewin Thanamin gave us a guy in school with a girlfriend. FUSE’S world, that we see, is a school world, so apropos for that time of Thai BLs, complete with very heterosexual expectations for a young man WITH a girlfriend. And Fuse struggles with his push-and-pull throughout the two seasons.

What I love about the OGMMTVC project is that by having watched these projects before ITSAY, I can somewhat predict what the journey of chaos, by way of internal revelation, will be for these characters.

However.

What ITSAY DESTROYED for me, as compared to these dramas and movies, was the high level of acting that Billkin leveraged to get Teh to the emotional levels that he reached. Teh, episode 4, and Thun, episode 5 = handshakes.

This is where ITSAY’s structure just brings ITSAY to the top of the cinematic list and runs away from everything else. I posted in my liveblogging that the ending of episode 3 blew me away with a subversion of the four-act structure of screenwriting. @bengiyo corrected me to say that it was, instead, a rare example of Thai BLs achieving a successful five-act structure.

Just – fuck.

You combine this UTTERLY FUCKING BRILLIANT STORYTELLING STRUCTURE, NARRATIVE STRUCTURING PAR FUCKING EXCELLENCE, ALONG WITH BILLKIN’S PORTRAYAL OF TEH IN HEAT AND CHAOS, and I’m eating, fam. Five-star Michelin tasting menu-level.

But before I start that meal, there’s even more that ITSAY did to really hammer in what I’m referencing by way of the anchors of old-fashioned culture to this story, which, clearly, Boss and Nadao Bangkok value, in the show’s indirect commentary on Chinese culture and migration in Thailand, and what it meant for Teh and Oh-aew to grow up in Phuket and prepare to leave for Bangkok. (If you haven’t watched ITSAY, I highly recommend that you plan on watching the supplementary documentary material, because those docs give a ton of insight into the Thai-Malay-Chinese background of the show. As a SE Asian homey, those revelations gave me the wonderful warm and familiar vibes.)

Dear @telomeke (I don’t know what I’d do without you, friend!) helped me to understand, back in my HCTM days, that I inherently know more about Chinese migration, immigration, and culture into Southeast Asia than I previously gave myself credit for as a part-Malaysian, because many of the migratory patterns and cultural assimilations are similar between Thailand and Malaysia. I appreciated that confirmation, and had my inspector’s hat on during my watch and rewatch of ITSAY.

I’ve spoken with @lurkingshan and @neuroticbookworm about the impact of migration and diasporic existence, in that, I think, oftentimes, immigrants to another country often hold a more conservative view of the cultures they bring with them – in order to hold onto the tenets of those cultures, and to keep those tenets from getting influenced or maybe even watered down by the new environment in which immigrants are living. (My example to Shan and NBW was that I find that South Asian immigrants are often MORE conservative than my relatives in my homelands – so as to keep a tight grip on assimilation, or, say, moral/ethical weakening by way of Western culture.)

I think the background of Phuket and EVERYTHING it lent to the show…

- Teh’s mom selling Hokkien mee at a stall storefront and the boys eating it in Teh’s old-fashioned house, - The old-fashioned o-aew dessert shop, selling a Hokkien Chinese dessert, which is often preceded by a shot of the “Phuket Old Town” sign, - Teh’s mom’s traditional Chinese-Peranakan outfits, particularly when she’s celebrating Teh and Hoon’s successes, - The tight streets and alleys,

…all of it, visually and culturally, reminded us that the boys live in a world that was DEEPLY INFLUENCED by the way back when. I posit that Teh’s mom is the encapsulation of this kind of old-fashioned culture, from the architectural style of her Hokkien mee stall, to the clothes she wears, to the heavy decorations and rugs and furniture of her old-fashioned house – to her old-fashioned notions of filial piety that both her sons will be successful and will help to take care of her as she ages. I posit that this old-fashioned mindset also likely led Teh to believe that Teh’s mom would not accept him for liking men, which I will delve into more in a bit.

I mentioned cultural assimilation earlier: I brought up Penang, Malaysia, earlier, because I’ve spent time in Penang – and Penang was referenced by Boss in the ITSAY documentaries as being similar to Phuket by way of cultural structure. @telomeke educated me on the tin-trade-influenced links from Phuket to the Malaysian towns of Penang and Kuala Lumpur, all towns that experienced heavy immigration from China and feature the strong presence of Chinese-Malay-Peranakan cultures in their social fabrics. The Peranakan population developed when the first Chinese immigrants to these regions began marrying the local ethnic Thai and Malay residents, creating a brand-new culture, complete with unique foods, clothing, architecture, and much more.

Having not been to Phuket yet, I believe Boss. As well, I want to note – very important to me as a part-Malaysian – that Boss referenced Teh’s nickname as the Malay word for tea. @telomeke noted for me this distinction as one that’s notable for how ITSAY differentiates the culture within the show – again, a culture that’s influenced by Chinese and Malay migratory history – against the backdrop of Bangkok, where tea is not “teh,” but rather is called “cha,” the Thai word for tea. [The most famous “teh” drink of Malaysia is teh tarik, a sweet, creamy, and strong tea drink that you see everywhere in Malaysia. While o-aew is a distinctly Chinese-style dessert, teh tarik comes from Indian immigrants to Malaysia (and is usually drunk with roti canai, another Indian import to Malaysia)].

In other words: we are talking a TREMENDOUS, a TREMENDOUS amount of references to cultural mixing, development, and assimilation here, all INTENTIONALLY placed by Boss Narubet and his screenwriting team – and all of this serving as a reflection against what Teh and Oh-aew will experience as being “different” in their futures in Bangkok, where this Thai-Chinese-Malay cultural differential will make them different when they get to college. (Not having seen I Promised You The Moon yet, I wonder if IPYTM sets up Teh and Oh-aew as potential country mice, à la Ji Hyun and Joon Pyo in The Eighth Sense.)

One more pertinent note of cultural intermixing by way of the historical Thai-Chinese-Malay linkages. @bengiyo was surprised that I didn’t initially exclaim at the presence of hijab- and songkok-clad Muslim women and men eating at Teh’s mom’s Hokkien mee stall; Teh and Oh-aew’s friend, Phillip, is also shown with his Muslim parents. It’s funny, @bengiyo, as I said to you: because I was watching ITSAY with such a trained eye towards spotting the Thai-Chinese-Malay cultural mixing, seeing Muslims on screen did NOT ring a bell of differentials because – I expect to see them there, in those kinds of spaces, anyway. (In fact, seeing Muslims on Thai television is rare, which I will get into more in the postscript.)

So we have: MANY CULTURES MIXING OVER MANY GENERATIONS. Migratory patterns intertwining. Indications of physical and emotional movement. And even though, and even DESPITE, these cultures mixing, we ALSO HAVE an OVERARCHING message of old-fashioned customs and ways of living that dominate the lives of the children in the show – ESPECIALLY Teh. Teh and Oh-aew – literally, their NAMES reference places ELSEWHERE than Phuket and Thailand. Phuket’s old-fashioned roots. Teh’s mom SELLS a dish that comes from somewhere else (the Hokkien Chinese population mostly hails from Fujian, China, as its origin).

What happens with migration and immigration? Cultures collide and combine – social mores and expectations change – one’s standards of HOW TO LIVE ONE’S LIFE changes.

Teh and Oh-aew, during the entire series, are facing a moment in time where THEIR lives, THEIR cultures, THEIR micro-interactions WITH THEIR cultures, ARE GOING TO CHANGE, definitively, by way of their burgeoning same-sex relationship. Teh and Oh-aew are already different in Thailand by way of their cultural backgrounds, as I’ve established – and now, with a potential public revelation of their relationship, will they be even more different. And their families – especially Teh’s mom, but Oh-aew’s family as well – are going to collide with the very PRESENT present vis à vis their boys and their love.

As this happens with migration and immigration, CHANGE WILL HAPPEN vis à vis Teh and Oh-aew’s queer revelations as well.

Boss focused on the aspects of Phuket that were anchors to the culture that Teh and Oh-aew were raised in – an immigrant culture, a migrant culture from China, that has had a long hold over many, many towns and societies in Thailand. We didn’t see the modern 7-11s that we know are there in Phuket, serving the tourists of these towns.

And, just like the physical dystopia of Dew, and even vis à vis the spiritual practices built into He’s Coming To Me, the slice of Old Town Phuket that we SAW as that anchor was a HEAVY PRESENCE in Teh’s life – it was PERFECTLY matched with the old-fashioned, conservative ANGER and DISAPPOINTMENT that we saw in Teh’s mom in episode 4, when Teh shares that he dropped out of university for Oh-aew. That anchor, to me, was meant to SMASH into, FEED into Teh’s overwhelming emotionality at his queer revelation, and at the revelation that serving his mother via filial piety would be automatically made more difficult, thus maximizing the impact of his internalized homophobia and his fear of recognizing his love and attraction for Oh-aew.

COUPLE THAT with the previous hints – and then the SMASHING WRECKING BALL – of the visual depths of Oh-aew’s own realizations earlier in episode 4, his own internally different place, the way he reveals himself to the world vis à vis the fast Instagram post of him wearing the red bra. And how Teh reacts to it. And how it sets off such an unreal chain of emotional unraveling for Teh, the SECOND of that episode, even before he goes to Bangkok to drop out.

WHOA.

THIS, TO ME WAS FUCKING STUNNING

and very important to me to see as a South/Southeast Asian. WHEW.

And, good lord. How Hoon comes in at the end for Teh. Hoon, the eldest son, the one who has very quietly borne the financial responsibility that his mom, Teh’s mom, too, has placed on Hoon’s shoulders, naturally, through generations of family custom. (Super duper thanks to @lurkingshan for talking me through this in detail with me.)

And Hoon gives his family, his little bro, Teh, comfort. How Hoon says, listen. Mom’s gonna be mad if and when you tell her about Oh-aew and your feelings for me. But guess what? She’s gonna come around. You’re a crybaby, Teh, but I’m here for you.

Hoon knows that Teh’s mom will come around – because Hoon is also a part of the next generation of change, much like his Thai-Malay-Chinese-Peranakan community before him – as he brings his Japanese girlfriend home to his mother and brother. (THANK YOU, @wen-kexing-apologist, for pointing this out!)

Teh’s mom, too, will move. She will move from her old-fashioned mindset, to migrate to a new mindset, where she will accept her son. Teh needed to hear that, to know that that movement would be possible.

Just like the movement of the many swirling cultures around Teh and Oh-aew, the hustle of Bangkok before them, nipping at their lives like the ocean to the beach.

What ITSAY captured for me was a cinematic moment of movement on so many levels. It was a pulsating reflection of change. It was meant and designed to insidiously shock viewers out of complacency. Like a beanstalk climbing from the ground, the movement begot movement to these two young men beginning to address and empty themselves of the homophobia that kept them back, Teh especially.

GAH, THEIR MOVING PHYSICALITY, IT NEVER STOPPED – the end of episode 2 on the boat, the end of episode 3 in Teh’s room, GAWD – Teh’s ABSOLUTE HORMONAL DRUNKENNESS, Oh-aew’s STARE AFTER STARE AFTER STARE, Oh-aew’s SILENT DEVASTATION AT THE END OF EPISODE 3, the way Teh would nod and FLOP his head uncontrollably in desire, the nuzzles, the sniffs, the uncontrolled reaches – GAH. It gives me the shivers.

It was a lot.

ITSAY was just – y’all know it. It was fantastic. While HCTM was before its time, I feel that ITSAY was RIGHT ON TIME. It brought so many elements of this GORGEOUS, HISTORIC, culturally Southeast Asian experience into the intersection of the queer lens, as well as the *migratory* lens of the Southeast Asian region specifically. It showed us, from a micro-perspective, the very tremendous macro-level implications and pressures of filial piety, of internalized homophobia, of the huge socioeconomic expectations that families have on Asian students to succeed in education, and so much more. IT WAS *DEFINITIVELY INTERSECTIONAL*, MORE SO THAN ANY BL BEFORE ITS TIME.

Yet again, for me, just like Bad Buddy, just like Until We Meet Again, I have another show in my arsenal that makes me proud to be an Asian watching these shows – and in ITSAY, I feel particularly proud that a slice of my own personal culture, as an Malaysian, made it in there, intentionally. I will FOREVER, and ever, be grateful to ITSAY for that.

——-

I’d like to offer this postscript as a means of making some quick points that @telomeke, @bengiyo, @lurkingshan, and @wen-kexing-apologist shared with me as I was writing this review – and I thank them all deeply for reading drafts of this post before publication.

1) I was previously unaware of the history and current state of Islamic culture in Thailand until ITSAY and Be My Favorite included women wearing hijabs in their shows. This is an important slice of culture for me to know about, as I’m part-Malaysian, where Islam is the dominant religion. @telomeke shared with me that the majority Muslim population in Thailand is in southern Thailand (although, of course, Muslims live across Thailand), and that there have historically been separatist efforts in those southern provinces that have often led to violence.

There are many reasons why discrimination of Muslims exist in Thailand, as it does around the world, including references to the separatist efforts in the southern provinces. As well, ethnic Thais can trace their heritage back to various towns and communities within China, thus possibly making northern Thailand, with its proximity to China, potentially more lauded in Thai culture, and contributing even more to a perception that southern Thailand, with its Muslim population, as potentially “less desirable.” (And I want to take a second to note @telomeke‘s excellent point to me that “Chinese” as a catch-all word is often incomplete, as Han Chinese make up a sizable portion of Thailand’s population, but as we see in ITSAY, the Hokkien Chinese population also flourishes in certain parts of the country, and there are populations of Teochew and Hakka Chinese as well, as there are in Malaysia.)

All of this combined – the geographic proximities to China, the places where various populations have settled, from the places that various populations of Thais track their heritages, plus global and/or popular misconceptions and stereotypes of “other” communities – can contribute to discrimination of Muslims in Thailand. Of course, that is not a universal statement, as we do see Muslims beginning to show up in Thai drama art, which is heartening. To me, it strikes me as more realistic for the region to see Muslims on screen, but I don’t know Thailand well enough to say that for sure (that’s my Malaysian-side talking). I really want to thank @telomeke for taking me on SUCH a deep dive with insight into this part of Thai culture that I think is very necessary and fascinating. (Politics in Thailand is quite complicated at the moment, but at this very second, Thailand’s current Parliament speaker, from the Move Forward party, is Thai Muslim, with a Malay Muslim name – Wan Muhamed Noor Matha. Very cool, but this is going to change soon, as Move Forward will make way for another political party to take control of the government.)

2) If you know me well enough, I cannot leave food well enough alone in our wonderful dramas (exhibit A: Moonlight Chicken and khao man gai, exhibit B: coffee/kopi in The Promise, lol), and I want to make sure that we were all aware back in 2020, and/or make you aware now, that Hokkien mee is a VERY regional dish, with styles unique to each town in which it is famous. @telomeke, I know you feel differently, but Hokkien mee from Kuala Lumpur (KL), Malaysia is my…. it’s my heaven, my soul, my heart, HA!

Here’s some linkies to get you educated. And also! Oh-aew prefers his Hokkien mee with rice vermicelli noodles, instead of the usual, thicker egg noodles. You know what I like to do if I see that a stall has the two styles of noodles available: I like to get them mixed together. Hokkien mee, Hokkien prawn mee noodle soup, curry laksa – I like the best of both worlds of noodles in my bowl. YUM.

Phuket Hokkien mee KL Hokkien mee Penang Hokkien mee (this one is the prawn noodle soup, not the fried noodles – omfg so good) Singapore Hokkien mee (note the lighter color – and the m’fing mix of thick and thin noodles, hell yeah!)

(If you made it this far in the ITSAY review, I have an easter egg for you. Guess what the Malay name is for rice vermicelli noodles? Bee hoon or mee hoon.

Hoon and Teh, two Malay names: thin noodles and tea. What Teh’s mom serves at her stall, and what Teh and Oh-aew represent, symbolically, by names and their noodle preferences, as a pairing. AND! @telomeke gave me one more easter egg! Teh O is a popular way to order tea in Malaysia and Singapore. It’s black tea with sugar, no milk. Another pairing reference. ITSAY never stopped with all the layered references!)

[WHEW! What a ride. Thanks to all y’all who held me down during my losing-it liveblogging of ITSAY. More to come when I get to Last Twilight in Phuket and I Promised You The Moon.

Next week, I’ll release my review of YYY into the wild – listen, honestly. Yes, chaos, confusion, all of it. But I am not writing this show totally off. There was definitely stuff in it to chew on. And: POPPY RATCHAPONG. And Pee Peerawich. The acting was actually stacked on this show. There’s stuff! More soon.

And I also finished Manner of Death, so that review will drop in two weeks. I LOVE MAXTUL. UNABASHEDLY. Yes, I know I’m years late, yes, I know Tul is retired, sobs. Let me live my 2021 dreams! These guys are so good together, and MoD was fuckin’ great.

I have so much good stuff on the way: I’m fully in my ATOTS rewatch, and I’ve added 55:15 Never Too Late, very specifically its BL storyline. I may not give 55:15 a full review because I’ll fast-watch the rest of it, but: Khao, come to me, boo-boo! I have an INSANE August ahead of me as I’ll be moving in a month (GAH), but hopefully this schedule won’t fall back too much.

Status of the listy! Hit me up if you have feedback!

1) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 2) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 3) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 4) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 5) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 6) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 7) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 8) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) (no review) 9) He’s Coming To Me (2019) (review here) 10) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (review here) 11) TharnType (2019-2020) (review here) 12) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (OffGun BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (no review) 13) Theory of Love (2019) (review here) 14) 3 Will Be Free (2019) (not a BL or an official part of the OGMMTVC watchlist, but an important harbinger of things to come in 2019 and beyond re: Jojo Tichakorn pushing queer content in non-BLs) (review here) 15) Dew the Movie (2019) (review here) 16) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) (review here) 17) 2gether (2020) and Still 2gether (2020) (review here) 18) I Told Sunset About You (2020) 19) YYY (2020, out of chronological order) (review coming) 20) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (not a true BL, but a MaxTul queer/gay romance set within a genre-based show that likely influenced Not Me and KinnPorsche) (review coming) 21) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 22) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (watching) 23) Lovely Writer (2021) 24) Last Twilight in Phuket (2021) (the mini-special before IPYTM) 25) I Promised You the Moon (2021) 26) Not Me (2021-2022) 27) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 28) 55:15 Never Too Late (2021-2022) (not a BL, but a GMMTV drama that features a macro BL storyline about shipper culture and the BL industry) 29) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch 30) Secret Crush On You (2022) [watching for Cheewin’s trajectory of studying queer joy from Make It Right (high school), to SCOY (college), to Bed Friend (working adults)] 31) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here) 32) KinnPorsche (2022) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake of Re-Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist 33) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 34) GAP (2022-2023) (Thailand’s first GL) 35) My School President (2022-2023) and Our Skyy 2 x My School President (2023) 36) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 37) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) (Cheewin’s latest show, depicting a queer joy journey among working adults)]

#i told sunset about you #long post

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